Outside, the early evening hour
greeted the world with a seeming nonchalance.
The city,
New York City,
New York, New York
The hustle, the bustle, the hey
hey, the ho ho, it had all begun to settle down, the vendors on the corners
selling scarves and hats and gloves were packing their wares into ratty
cardboard boxes, and they slowly disappeared into the steam that emanated
thickly from the grates that provided glances into the world below,
Maybe not hell, but definitely not
heaven,
The air, crisp yet not chilled, it
moved from here to there, whipped around a lamppost and swirled upward, all
mystical barber pole wrappings seen only by rabbis of the kabbalah and priests
wrapped in orthodox black, swirled upward until running out of umph, gravity
winning, falling back down to the sidewalk like the spray of old faithful
herself,
A Christmas shower.
Inside, though, the lobby of the
Algonquin buzzed with a well-lit and celebrated festivity, having adorned
itself in dark Christmas velvets, poinsettias and a frosted green tree that welcomed
the guest, this guest, stepping in through the revolving door and leaving the
still unusually autumnal conditions of the season outside,
That sighed at him suggestively,
that tugged a little at his jacket, just a little of the cloth caught gently
between thumb and forefinger,
That pulled on his scarf, as if to
invite him to participate in some forbidden dance.
And the tree, she tickled his
nostrils with wisps of expiring evergreen ever so faintly, stirred not shaken, mixed
with the edgily crisp whirls of outside that had snuck in behind him, spinning
through the door with him, teasing him with faint promises that perhaps the
weather would turn by the time the baby Jesus,
That bastard offspring of virginal
tales, that kid who grew up to inspire multitudes to live a wild and wooly
existence,
In.
His.
Name.
Dropped down the chimney to wish
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
And the tree, she grasped helplessly
at her throat with limbs limp and lean, slowly dying of thirst, trapped in her
own private Idaho, sitting tall and wide in the middle of the lobby and adorned
with glittering fringe, silver and red, like an enslaved Ukrainian transvestite
transsexual in a Nashville brothel, a shemale lovely, no Crying Game here, she
with her colorful glassy balls, large bovine sparklers twinkling and winking at
all the others, mostly tourists, turtle necked tourists tucked into Uggs and
fleece, flashing holiday gold from ear and throat and wrist, occasionally a
nose if she was younger, but rarely a lip, these touristas, they were up
visiting, maybe from Carolina, maybe from East Tennessee, difficult to tell the
upper class Southerner these days, they did tend to fall back on that commonly
practiced and cable televised genteel yet a little over the top pretend version
of Snuffy Smith’s Squidbilly English,
The margins honed to a soft and
rounded edge,
Weathered Appalachian stones atop
the mountain.
Oh, bless their little hearts!
They now all sound alike,
A chorus of cane syrup flowing down
the naked rivulets of good living.
They’re all burdened with bags from
Bergdorf’s and Barney’s and Saks and some of those cute little shops down off Canal.
And this guy,
Our guy,
Eddie,
He watched as they, the touristas,
as they struggled to snuggle into the elevator that had been constructed,
installed, first turned on back when Abraham was sharpening his knife. He, our Eddie, watched a gaggle of them wiggle
into the elevator that had been designed for four sans luggage. They giggled, loving to complain about the
shortcomings of this Yankee excuse of a metropolis. Oh, the crowds, the expense, the small rooms
that won’t allow George to even get around the bed to the bathroom without
moving the suitcase and lift it up onto the desk which is already cluttered
with wires and adapters and iphones and ipads and kindles, the wrappers from
truffles and assorted other chocolates mined from Filene’s Basement of Christmas
past.
And our guy,
Eddie,
He slowed his pace and looked around,
bathed in the history of Miz Parker’s charnel house, where correspondents had committed
crimes of creativity over and over and over,
Aided and abetted by Martinis, Brandy
Alexanders and Whiskey Sours, games of words, games of cards and many wasted
hours,
Til they themselves bored and they,
their efforts stillborn, became the characters in their own works,
Trapped.
Here.
In all their glory.
Eddie, he enjoined himself to their
lingering spirits, both ethereal and liquid, that haunted this den of literary
yesteryear. These ghosts had sat at the
knightly writers roundtable, reveling and rejoicing with those, with others, who
preferred to
Scribble and scrawl,
Dribble and drawl,
Riddle and brawl,
Leaving behind faint totoros of
dust and old age, swirling, whirling about, around, tickling the olfactory,
heckling the matter of fact’ries, a remembrance of when, if ever, a blonde was
a blonde.
His drink, Eddie’s drink, it waited
for him back in the lounge,
And he crossed the lobby all
frogger between table and chairs, tourists in pairs.
He crossed from restroom to barroom
where his drink awaited him on the blue sparkly tres hip buffet du hooch, not
quite the maple bar of his classic wanting but a port in this storm of Xmas-tide.
His drink, napkin resting across
the rim, a drinker’s reservation system, a drunk’s cause for a fight, waited along
with his beloved barstool upon which he ascended, climbed high into the saddle
again, giddyup, hi-ho, as he studied his surroundings.
The view, the scenery, it had
changed, such was the life of a hotel bar. Les patrons, they had come, they had gone, they
had been shuffled like a game of fifty-two card pickup since he,
Our guy,
Eddie,
Who maybe only five, maybe ten minutes
before had left his new best friend, the forgetful bartender, that hotel employee
lazily living on union wages and an ignorance of the Savoy bar book.
People and parties, they churned like
the tides, ebbing and flooding, moving along at an ever-accelerating rate,
moving,
Always moving,
Like love,
Sweet, delicious love,
Who in her splendid glory now sat
to his left,
A gorgeous creature of feminine proportions,
A woman who looked like she would
pour from her dress like sugar from silk,
Flowing all sparkly and sweet,
So obviously by herself, elbows
propped up on the bar, both hands in front of her,
The long bejeweled forefinger of
her right hand sliding up and down and across a brightly lit phone, icons
moving, screens flashing, changing in some sort of personal pachinko madness.
The same finger of the left hand, another
long and lovely digitus extendus naked of diamond and glitz but painted purple
on the nail, a dancing purple encapsulating a dot of pink,
The eye of Fatima,
Circled her glass perched precariously
on a stem, tres chic crystal opening up into an art deco-perfect butterfly, a
vampish vargas girl, half full, could be a martini, the double olive on a spear,
Plastic and pink,
To match the Eye,
possibly giving it away.
Her head bent down studiously, long
brown hair hung over her face, a veil of mystery. Her long legs crossed, double crossed, with
the tip of her shoe hooked back around behind her runner’s, her ballerina’s
calf, her equally long stockings tight and terrifically sheer, very
business-like. Oh, so, very much you-get-what-you-see.
Oh, so.
And Eddie,
He thought, perhaps, he even said
it out loud, the murmur of the room elevated enough to douse random verbal
insights, he said, maybe he even might ever so slightly sung it in that Gang of
Four sort of way, he said,
“Goddamn, I love a woman in a
uniform.”
Her dark suit, white shirt, good
golly, by god, by gum, bye-bye, she glanced over his way, Eddie’s way, as he
settled in, as he accidentally nearly almost invaded her space with an awkward
mount of the stool, a foot slipping on where the footrest should be, Eddie
forgetting the stool was of the lean and prop style. He, Eddie, he caught himself in time with as
much panache as he could muster and still managed to
Wink,
And she smiled a simple smile, lips
only, lips simply parted. Eddie, he
swooned, she giggled, Eddie, he paid attention, acted, reacted, acted, reacted. Jesus Jiminy Cricket Christ, it was like some
hot action happening on a telegraph wire, two people doing the dot-dot-dash-dash
back and forth, back and forth.
Eddie, he would have liked to do
the back and forth right now.
Right here would be fine. Maybe this was getting right down to his
gestalt, right here. Maybe his mother had
been bedridden when she was pregnant with him, he just didn’t get enough of that
back and forth movement when he was in utero.
And now,
Eddie, now, he just craved it, that
to and fro, up and down, back and forth, that swing set of schtupp,
Finding joy through the entire arc,
loving the top and the bottom of the ride, wrapping his hands, entwining them, within
the dark beauty of the drapes as he took off on that magic carpet ride.
She smiled a broader smile, and
this smile, it simply sparkled, like in the movies, some sort of Doris Day Glass
Bottom Boat moment, mermaids swimming about him, tails all a’glitter. A light reflecting off the mirror behind the
bar beamed in on, was attracted to, couldn’t help itself but to seek out, to
find, to locate a cute little silver tooth sitting so wonderfully, so happily
in the loveliest of kissers, and this twinkling tooth, not the middle one; not
one of those that always go first in the tooth-losing summer of childhood; no,
no, no, sugar, it was the one next to it, on the right; the light bounced off
that tooth, leaving a gleaming trail like it was the Silver Surfer shredding
forth from Venus, screaming in and down and across the breaking backlit sunlit
froth, and it, this beam of the beholder, it hit Eddie smack in the eye, nearly
knocked him off his perch. Eddie, he all
giggle-giddy inside, Eddie, he said to himself, Eddie, he said,
“Hey, Ma, I’ve finally met that knockout
you always told me I’d meet.”
And, he, Eddie, he grinned, but Miz
Knockout mistook his heart-exploding reaction with
A sick sense of humor.
It was a Hallmark re-enactment of that old
joke about the two lonely people at the dance, one with a fake eye, one with a
fucked up mouth, and old Freddy-fake-eye, he asks this woman with the upturned
lip, ol’ Freddy, he asks her to dance and she exclaims, all panty-wetting
excited, she cries,
“Oh, would I, oh, would I..!”
And he, Freddy, he gets all
embarrassed, he misunderstands, and he yells back,
“Well, you hairlip, you mean old
hairlip…!”
And she, Miz Sparkly Silver Grin,
she didn’t see the humor, didn’t see it that way, not at all. She looked down and, with that sort of fake
cough, covered her mouth, picked up her phone and drink, did the barstool spin
And
She was out of Eddie’s life.
Forever.
And,
Eddie, he felt maybe he should chase
her, explain his feelings, beg forgiveness, do the knee-drop in front of a cast
of thousands, spread his arms wide, call her Stella, scream her name to the
streetlights.
But he didn’t.
This wasn’t television. This wasn’t the stage. This was real life, Eddie, he
Could have read the scene all wrong,
and it could have been very embarrassing, not to mention the wear and tear on his
suit trousers.
Alas,
Love is so fleeting,
And Eddie, he reflected,
“It’s not like I had cracked some insensitive
joke about silver teeth and Alzheimer’s, or silver teeth and Judas, or something
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus… “
And,
Eddie, he started to look
heavenward, praying for the Big Guy to save his sinful soul from these sinful
thoughts but
Whoa, whoa, whoa…
To his right,
Just over his shoulder,
Was the-one-the-only-Miss-Welcome-Back-to-the-Eighties-Cindy-Lauper-look-alike,
hello, love is in the air, love is in the hair and, yeah, it’s the hair, it’s
got to be the hair that got to Eddie, that smacked him like a towel in the
locker room, snapped hot and sharp, leaving a whelp on his sorry ass.
Her hair, it was too, just too, you
know, a little too orange, but also too red, with bold streaks of yellow. Oh, her hair, it was so too, too, too, you
know, and the makeup a little too much, a bit of mascara dripping down her
cheek, and the lipstick too dark, too red, and the dress, too tight, too short,
and the stockings too black with a little run on the inside thigh.
Pale, pale, pale.
Oh, that milky white
And
The hair, all so tequila sunrise.
And,
Eddie, he said, in his most refined
and respectful manner, in his most mannerly manner, with a charm that worried his
conscience but not quite his psyche, Eddie, he said,
“Hi. Can I just say that, you, in all your sumptuous
sunrise splendor, are making the neighborhood a better place to live?”
And, without skipping a beat,
without a pause, not even for dramatic effect, he, Eddie, he said,
“I would like to buy us a round of
drinks in honor of this just-discovered truth.”
And,
She, she looked at him, at Eddie,
really looked at him. She said, eyes
bright, she said,
“What do you suggest, what sort of
drink would you recommend to toast this auspicious occasion, what would you
have grace my lips?”
And
For, Eddie, well this question, it
required no thought, no consideration, no Sherlockian mulling. He knew, he really knew what to say and he
said it, he said,
“Tequila sunrise of course,
“To match your hair.”
And,
She smiled that cutesy little smile,
that oh, you, kind of smile, and toute de suite, she said,
“Oh, too, sweet, n’est-ce pas, makes
my lips pucker, don’t you know, and I don’t like them to pucker til I’m all
good and ready to pucker.
“So, how about a real drink, whiskey,
maybe, a Manhattan, very dry, very, very dry.
Two cherries dangling.”
And
Eddie, he waved, he beckoned with a
seasoned confidence and a hurried yo-yo-gotta-go-gotta-go-barkeep attitude,
“My man, we could use – no! -- let me say, we need two Manhattans,
S’il vous plait.”
And
Eddie,
He signed the tab to his room, thinking,
“Ah no worries, the money’s here, and there’s always more,” what does he care
he was later going to memorialize her as Client, and he said, leaning over
slightly, he didn’t know if it was the altitude or the attitude, Eddie he said,
“So, I’m Eddie,”
And
She said, lifting her glass by the
stem in one hand, placing the lip of the glass between her own ruby reds,
taking a timid little sip, she said,
“Nice cufflinks, they’re kind of cool.”
And
Eddie he said, tipping his glass
her way, he said, glancing down at his wrists and shrugging he said,
“Thanks.”
And
She said,
“No, really.”
And
Eddie, he said,
“Well, thanks.”
And
She said,
“I’m Hallie. I used to be Hallie Silverstein but now I’m
thinking of Hallie-Go-Heavy, don’t you know, in honor of Miz Hepburn and Mister
Capote, bless their souls. What do you
think?”
And Eddie nodded his approval with
another lift of the glass and suggested, maybe even emphasized with a studied
glance and a nod, he said,
“Well, may i say that there is
absolutely nothing heavy about you from where i sit,
“You,
“My lovely, curvy crook of
sugarcane right out of the stocking on Christmas morning.
“You are just as lovely and pert
and sexy and sultry and titillating and teasing,
“Yes, teasing
“As Miz Audrie herself,
“Or, hell,
“Anyone else i have ever met.
“But,”
And, Eddie, he paused, and he
sipped is own drink. Then, he said,
“I can see that the new name most
certainly applies in that metaphysical sense, that wrap-yourself-around-the-goddess-that-is
wrapped-around-you sort of way.”
And, Hallie, she smiled. She looked away, then she looked back, and
And
And she smiled, and she said,
looking down only briefly to stir her drink, she smiled at him and said,
“Thanks.”
And, they sipped their drinks and
they talked flirty bar talk and they finished their drinks and they talked life
talk, that where one came from, where one went, where one belonged sort of chat,
that bonding across common data points -- who, what, where one liked. They managed to avoid television, music, food,
restaurants, touristy destinations, both classic and new age, that basic shit
two bored people fall back upon, like falling forward onto a sword,
Conversational hari-kari.
No, they talked good shit, they
made each other laugh, they ordered another drink. And another.
She touched his arm when making a
point, he touched her thigh right where the slit in the stocking stretched and
split, showing skin. He reached up and
touched her hair, a curl of her hair, moving it out of her face,
Where it had drunkenly fallen down
across the bridge of her cute little nose, more O’Grady than Silverstein,
And, then, that’s when Eddie knew,
That’s when he knew that he had to
find out,
Was it the same sunrise down there,
where the sun rises, was it red, blonde, brown, or darker? Did the flower bloom, even if only along a
narrow Brazilian garden path?
And Eddie,
Our guy,
Eddie, he excused himself for a
moment for another trip back across the lobby to find that portal, that
porcelain bowl of relief, he asked with a touch of the hand on her wrist,
Her tattooed wrist,
A canvas supporting the image of an
old Timex, the one that that can take a licking and keep on ticking, inked
around, permanently attached, worn brown leather wristband, tarnished gold
plated case, cracked face.
Eddie,
He said,
“Hey, will you wait? I’d really appreciate it if you waited.”
And she said, slurring maybe just a
bit, that cute little drunken slur that only a beautiful woman can get away
with, that stretched out pronunciation that is so cute but so on the edge of
becoming slobbering, she said,
“Baby, I’m all Snow White on this
barstool. I ain’t leaving til you come
back, give me a little kisssssss…”
And Eddie, he stumbled backwards,
spun and turned, headed back across the lobby. He slid into the restroom. He walked up to the urinal in that way he’d been
practicing for years, been doing this all his life, gave it the unzip as he
walked across the restroom, reached in, pulled out his flaccid yet getting
interested meat, leaned over and spit as he stepped up to begin relieving
himself,
The sudden, initial burst struck
the porcelain at such an angle, at such a velocity, that it hummed like a
tuning fork.
Maybe a b-flat.
The vigor of his stream then slowed,
the flow subsiding til the hum faded to a silence, broken only by the drumming
drops of the squirt, squirt, the wiggle, wiggle, shake, shake, the weight of
his schlong sending heavy spatters against the plastic holding the blue toilet
disk,
Spprrrts spprrrts spprrrts,
Til there was nothing left but
relief and satisfaction.
And, Eddie,
He stuffed his cock back into his
pants, did a little wiggle, zipped up, and reached over to flush
When he heard,
Coming in over his shoulder,
Like maybe it was maybe god himself,
A sort of a low, not Barry White
low, but white man, Clark Kent low voice from behind, it said,
“Hey, don’t flush.”
And, Eddie, he said, he looked over
his shoulder, his hand still on the plunger, a cop slowly turning around to
face the drug dealer who had snuck up behind him, his hand on his weapon, not
letting go, and he said,
“Um…don’t think I caught that?”
And, this guy who had spoketh as if
from above, like he was the fucking burning bush itself, this guy, he stood
behind Eddie, and Eddie he thought,
“Ah, geeze, who is this fucker,
what’s this shit smell he’s sporting, I can’t even fucking smell the blue
fucking disk in the urinal. This guy, he
smells like the full run of the gauntlet that cuts through the first floor of Bloomingdale’s
all rolled into one tall plug-in dispenser that got hit by a short in the
wiring and shot its entire smelly wad into the world through some wild tree-climbing
monkey orgasm…”
And, this guy, Mister Otherwise-pretty-fucking-normal,
Princeton haircut, blue button down, very Brooks Brothers, same place he had found
his khakis, bright blue eyes and sardonic grin, this guy, he said,
“Yeah, I know, it’s just sort of,
well, yeah, I know how it might sound, how it might seem to be a rather odd
request but, well, you know, it’s just sort of my thing, a sort of quirk, a kink,
one might say, will probably say, but, hey do a fella a favor,
“I just want to piss on top of your
piss. I’m not gay or anything, I just want to, well, let my urine flow atop of
another’s and, hey, you just happen to be here, you just happen to be that
other. Come on, what do you say?
“Do a fella a favor?”
And, Eddie, he sort of shrugged, he
stepped to the side, he presented a drunken yet grand sweeping open palm to
Mister Normal, shaking his head and inviting him to be his guest while he
scooted out of the way to give the same hand and its partner a quick rinse, a
fast wash, while looking over his shoulder to see other shoulders shimmy softly,
to hear a slight whimper and moan bounce off the tiles.
He turned off the water. He shook his hands into the sink, wiped them
on his face, then on the back of his trousers, on his way out the restroom,
A quick getaway
Back to his new-found love, away
from his new-found confusion, where sweet and sugary Hallie, she waited. He climbed back onto his perch and began anew
his seduction,
His adventure,
His Indiana Jones expedition to the
nether regions below, the navel beneath the cotton, way south of the sunset, to
find that true nature, her truth is god’s truth is the sweet stuff that dresses
his dreams,
Because he knew that he had to
know, must know,
And, as he, Eddie, as he leaned
over to whisper into her ear, to suggest some slutty slipping and sliding down
the slough to hell he,
Eddie,
He saw Mister Normal the Pissing
Boy of Brussels himself walk in and take the seat on the other side of Hallie,
beckon to the bartender and order a
Tequila sunrise,
His tell tale aroma, his olfactory
aura, reaching their respective schnozzolas about the same time as the request
for libation and she,
Hallie,
She,
As if the aroma is only too
familiar,
She turned just as Eddie was about
to whisper sweet nothings, leaving Eddie to suggest sin to spirits and air. She turned and looked, only to say,
“Oh, it’s you.”
Turning back to Eddie, she said,
“Don’t mind him.”
And Eddie, he looked past Hallie to
him, to Mister Normal, who gave a twinkle and a grin and a nod of the chin.
Eddie, he looked to Hallie, he said,
“Whoa, may be tough not to mind. He kind of staked out this little disturbing
spot in my head just now, gonna be hard to shake, might take a few drinks.
“Seems this guy, he’s quite the
little deviant, don’t you know.”
And Hallie, she frowned that
drunken pouty little frown that only a beautiful woman can get away with, she
said, turning around to the deviant, she said,
“Oh, Jesus, Joey, you pulling that
piss on piss thing again? That is
getting so old, don’t you know? I’m
really quite tired of it and, you just wait and see, some fucking bruiser is
going to kick your ass some day.”
And, Joey, our Mister Deviant, our
Mister Normal, he himself frowned as well and said,
“Oh, little sister, don’t you worry
none, you know I only ask the ones who I know will let me, who I know won’t
mind.”
Joey, he leaned back on his bar
stool, looking around Hallie, Joey, he said,
“And, you don’t mind, now do you?”
Eddie, he started to say, started
to reply, all ready with a snarky response, but the “well” and the “fuck” and
the “you” all sort of slurred together, such solid retort backed up with the
classic use of his whiskey glass as a pointer, a bit sloshing over the edge, a
couple of cool drops falling onto Hallie’s thigh, landing, splashing, slo-mo
like in a milk commercial, she jumping a bit at the surprise, just as she was
taking a sip from her own glass, another drop escaping, joining the other two
on her thigh, and she did the double squirm.
Eddie, always the gentleman, quickly dabbed lightly with a bar napkin,
leaving his hand there post-clean up, his eyes going to hers, hers to his, his
nappy-holding hand sliding slowly up that short, short skirt, her bottom
sliding his way across the barstool.
Eddie, he thought, he wondered,
admiring her oh so silly hair, the light still bouncing, the light still
glancing, the colors, oh, the colors, Eddie, he thought, he wondered,
“…oh, my, oh, lordy, oh, me, oh,
my, please Jesus, I just want to know, I just want to find out, don’t ask me
why, please don’t judge, knowledge is such a beautiful thing, I just want to
know…”
And, his eye, Eddie’s eye, they
caught Joey’s as he watched, curiously attentive.
And Joey, he winked, he smiled, no,
he looked down to Eddie’s hand on his sister’s thigh, he grinned, and Joey, he
turned back toward the bar, elbows planted and hands up, fingers spread, he leaned
in to his dayglo drink, leaned over, and took a sip through a tiny stiff straw,
his cheeks squeezed in together in a tight pucker as he withdrew straw between
tight lips, a cherry suctioned to the end, a literal Little Jack Horner
withdrawing a reinforced proboscis sporting a bit of a hardon.
And Eddie laughed. And Hallie turned and laughed. Drunken laughter, a giggle guffaw snort cough
gag gasp giggle go again kind of laugh.
And Eddie, he leaned over toward Hallie in his fit of laughter, putting
his hand on her thigh again, this time sliding to the inside, between her thighs. And, Hallie, her leg, her legs, they parted
that slight part, that hint of an opening, a perhaps, a tease, in a good way
tease, a there just might be something behind door number one tease. And, the guffaw faded to a soft giggle, to a
slow, long breath, to a moment of silence, to Eddie leaning over, kissing
Hallie on the cheek, to Hallie turning, kissing Eddie full on, mouth open,
thigh open, oblivious to those in the bar, Eddie thinking to himself,
“Wow, think anyone ever sat here at
this bar kissing Dorothy Parker this way?”
Joey, he tapped his sister, he
tapped Hallie on the shoulder, he said,
“Hey, hey, hey.”
Hallie, she, slowly, oh so slowly,
in that hesitating sort of should I or shouldn’t I don’t want to stop so can’t
you just fuck off but ok if you insist sort of way, Hallie, she turned
reluctantly, she raised her eyebrows, adjusted her shoulders, silently saying,
what-the-fuckingly saying,
“Yeah?”
Joey, he looked down at his drink,
he stirred the little straw, cherry still attached, he said,
“So, does this mean I’m not
crashing on your couch tonight?”
Hallie, she just looked at him, not
quite a stare, but a look, definitely a look, she said, deadpan, she said,
“Yeah. That’s what it means.”
Hallie, she turned back to Eddie,
she touched his hand on her thigh, she winked at him, yeah, that was what Eddie
saw, she winked at him, he grinned, and Joey, getting in one last one, couldn’t
help himself, Joey, he leaned over, leaned in, Joey, he said,
“So, you gotta pee before you go?”
And, Eddie, his eyes not leaving
Hallies, he said,
“No.”
And, Joey, he shrugged his
shoulders, he looked the other way, across the crowd, a long gaze, a studied
gaze, he got up, finished his drink, said over his shoulder, as he walked away,
he said,
“Thanks for the drink, gotta go
find a new friend, got to go find a place to crash tonight.”
Eddie, then he turned, he left her
gaze, that lock, that assurance he needed, that it was true, he would have the
truth, that he would know, by the end of the night, he would know, he would
find out, he would know her truth, the truth down below, the truth that sizzled
in his mind, sizzled so hot that he couldn’t touch it, couldn’t have it,
couldn’t know it until he proved it again, proved what he knew he knew. Eddie, then he turned, then he, Eddie, he
watched Joey walk away. That song, from
way back, that song, it hit him,
We live
As we dream
Alone
And Joey, he grinned back over his
shoulder, as he ducked through the door into the Algonquin lobby, and onto who
knows where. The men’s room, behind one
of the humongous is-it-real-is-it-memorex wild-ass combo fern banana plant,
maybe a private showing in someone’s tiny upper floor suite bathroom, Joey
standing on the edge of the tub, watching, ready to pounce like some cougar
crouching on the ledge of a boulder defining the trail, like some trust-fund
cougar crouching on a barstool in one those trust-fund towns like Boulder or
Mill Valley or Bend. Or perhaps simply
out into the cool New York evening, the world is his oyster, but Eddie, he
would not know, Eddie, he would not care, he had only one concern, one bubbling
curiosity, one that could conceivably kill the cat, or at least shoo her away,
and he watched his curiosity gaze after her brother.
And she, Hallie, she watched only
until Joey disappeared, until he simply vanished, and she shrugged, she was
done, the squirrel had disappeared, poof, it no longer existed, poof, out of
sight, out of mind, better things occupied her mind, more promising things, and
Eddie, he knew he was that better thing, he had that better thing.
Eddie, he snuggled up to his
Curiosity, hands on her thighs. He said,
again, like he had said when he first met her, only one hundred and seventeen
drinks ago, Eddie, he gave her his best Dean Martin, maybe his best Ricky
Martin, he said,
“Hey, sugar, my sugaree. Can I just say, can I maybe just get a bit
closer and whisper, can I just say, sugar, sugar, that, you, in all your
glorious sunrise splendor, have made my neighborhood a much better place to
live? I mean, if I may, if I might, by
the soul-sucking glow of this fluorescent light, grit my teeth and growl, lean
back and howl, aim to shoot the moon, baby, I’ll be the plate, you be the
spoon?”
And, Hallie, she squeezed him
between her thighs, those wondrous pillars of love, the twin muses protecting
the secret, her secret. Hallie, she said, or her lips moved like they were
saying, had said, Eddie, he didn’t care, he knew what was what, he could feel
what was what, she was now feeling his what with her hand, gripping it through
his slacks, pulling on it, pulling it toward her, and she said, Hallie, she
said,
“Hey, let’s go, don’t you know I
have the place to myself tonight, rumor has it I’d be all by my lonesome self
if you weren’t to come home with me, and, lord help us, a girl simply should
not be alone in the City, no, no, no.
Not at night. Not this night.”
And, Eddie, he said, looking at
Hallie, thinking that should his gaze leave she might go ahead and detach his
cock and leave without him, Eddie, he said, looking at Hallie but motioning to
the bartender to bring the bill, the classic-never-goes-stale spinning of the
wrist, Eddie, he said,
“Girlfriend, right about now I
would follow you pretty much anywhere your sexy little self might want to take
me, walk through the lion’s den, across the burning desert, into the depths of
hell itself, I’m your Venus, I’m your fire, at your desire. But, but, but, my newest love, one upon whom
I have suddenly and unexpectedly crushed, don’t you know I have a room right
upstairs, so close, so near.”
And, Hallie, she said, still with
that grip, perhaps a bit firmer, maybe with a bit more determination, Hallie,
she said, “No, I want to go all adventurous just a bit in the cab,”
And, Eddie, his hand went to slide
up her thigh, not caring for or about those around him, around them, his
fingers began to crawl, to crab, up her thigh, looking for a parting of the
waters, a not so random thought zeroing in on the possibility, as if he could
feel read understand immerse himself in the shades and hues, could sense organic
or artificial, and Hallie, she said, lightly placing her other hand on his
wrist, guiding him askew of his target, entangling his fingers in the torn
fishnet, and she said, Hallie, she said,
“Yeah, I want some of that in the
back seat of a cab, my horny sweet GQ, only ten minutes, maybe a little of
this,” tugging on his cock, “maybe a little of that,” dipping his hand up
swiftly between her legs, as she herself dipped slightly, a quick curtsy, and
Eddie swooned to the vaporous wonders that tingled the tips of his fingers,
only fleetingly, it happened so fast that he, Eddie, he had to pause and
consider if he had passed through a nitrous moment, could he actually feel
color, and Hallie, she said, pulling him off his barstool, Hallie, she said,
“Let’s go, hero. Ten minutes of frantic in the back seat, then
my place. What say, Mister?”
And, Hallie, she pulled him behind
her, through the bar crowd, hand still on cock, like a ship’s rudder, steering
him, guiding Eddie, out the door and into the night air, the doorman opening
the backdoor of a Yellow Cab, like she had telegraphed ahead in that kind yet
seriously expectant James bring the car around voice that only the ruling class
can master, she ducking into and sliding across the bench of the awaiting
carriage, physically beckoning Eddie in after her, landing him next to her, a
flopping fish on the dock, gasping for air, and Hallie, she gave the cabbie her
address, and off they went, with a lurch of acceleration, cross-town to head
south on seventh, all the way down toward the Village, Eddie pressed back on
the back seat, and Hallie, she leaned in, pulling his shirt tails out from his
pants, exposing his mostly flat belly, and put her lips onto that spot below
the navel, above the belt, that tender spot, that spot where even guys who have
no body hair have a little peach fuzz, just something to tickle, Hallie, she
leaned in and put her lips to that spot, kissed him softly, wetly.
For the next ten minutes, Eddie, he
forgot his mission, and he succumbed to the fatigue of the campaign. The
tugging, the lips, the bumps on the perforated road going downtown, south of
NYU, going down, the zipper going down, Hallie going down, the glancing up
through the darkness of the backseat, Eddie, he could still see her eyes,
dancing, sparkling, the occasional late night car light, bouncing off her
bobbing orange and yellow head, bringing him, pushing him, shoving him, right
up to the edge.
Then the cab stopped with a squeal
of brakes and the snap crackle pop crunch of a Jane Street pothole getting
bigger.
Hallie, she hopped up with a
lollypop plop and popped out of her side of the cab, leaving Eddie unzippered
and with a eighteen dollar tab to pay, and he, Eddie, he struggled to both zip
and pay at the same time, somehow managing, overtipping, and topping off the
zipper as he stumbled out of the cab Hallie-side, she catching him before he
fell, both laughing, giggling,
That drunken giggle emanating from
a couple who knows they about to get all carnal.
They slowed their breath,
His hands on her hips,
Her hands on his hips,
Foreheads tipped and touching,
All lady and the tramp,
And Eddie, his mind, it wandered
from sunrise scruff and mane, all brilliant and bright and lighting up the
night, lighting up his night, lighting up his need, lighting up his obsession,
driven on down below, down, down, down periscope, dive, his mind, it dives,
full on scuba, all a’bubblin’, big fins flapping, corkscrewing through the
sweet warm honey, his mind, his third eye, it just wandered on down but,
He just couldn’t see, he just couldn’t
tell, something was all a’blur, and he knew, he just knew how it was that he was
going to know, and he then gazed at her and knew that
He loved her for the adventure she
presented, for the moment that she provided him here in this night, in this
night in Manhattan,
This place that is not really a
place,
Where things happen that do not
happen,
That looms over the rest of America
With both amusement and disdain,
And Miz Hallie, she pushed back
gently, looking up with pouty lips, stepped backwards, off the walk into the
gutter, looked around up and down the street, put her finger up to those pouty
lips giving that oh so sexy shush, then turned away from him, from Eddie, and
she
Hiked her skirt,
Squatted
And slid her panties off to one
side, in a very experienced manner, and she peed, and
Eddie, he stood behind her, arms
folded loosely in front of him, and watched the sizzle of her pizzle, steam
exploding from heat hitting chill, and she peed for at least twelve hours, full
on headwaters of a kayakers hottest wet dream, until Eddie, he himself actually
stepped forward clapping, seeking to reward such womanliness, and also trying
to catch that glimpse, that tell tale sound of the tell tale heart, but Hallie,
she arose from the squat, skirt dropping, her butt wiggling, wiggling,
shimmying, getting things in place,
And turned to greet her applauding
fan with both arms up and around the back of his neck, her lips on his, and she
pulled away and pulled him by the hand, and he followed, Eddie, he followed,
his ears all perked like the hound dog he was, oh, goodness gracious, oh,
jiminy cricket.
They bounded up two flights of
stairs and down a hallway and then up a half flight of steps that twisted
around themselves and opened to a landing with a big door with three locks
which required three separate keys which were fumbled every time Eddie,
standing behind her, a willing accomplice to this unlocking activity, every
time Eddie tried to slide his hand up the back of her skirt, keys which were
fumbled as she dropped them to slap his hand away, and said,
“Come on, baby, almost there, just
a little bit, longer,”
And he stopped and she got one
piece of the puzzle solved, one of the locks opened, and then he, Eddie, then
he tried to slide his hand back up her skirt, like he could feel color through
this fingertips, and she, Hallie, she fumbled the keys as she slapped his hand,
and said,
“Come on, baby, almost there, just
a little bit, longer,”
And then got the next two locks
opened and the door, it creaked open, and they stumbled in, he pulled her to
the couch, and she pulled him back to her room, which overlooked a little dimly
lit garden with a bench and a table, and the table held a yellow ashtray
littered with a couple of wet and bloated cigarette butts,
Eddie, he could not really see, but
he wanted to believe that he saw her lipstick color on the tip of one, and only
one, of the two cigarette butts.
Hallie, she leaned over to turn off
the lamp next to her bed and Eddie, he jumped ahead and touched her wrist, she
looking up at him, Eddie cocking his head in that original Eddie sort of way,
that Eddie Haskel grin and shuffle and flatter and advise manner, and she left
it on, and he rolled her over onto her back onto the bed, his hands on hers above
her head, his lips only a short breath from hers, and he said,
“Girl, girl, girl, do you know what
you do by just being, even before I find my way inside you?”
And, Hallie, she looked at him,
looked up at Eddie, breath short, her hips purring, her belly button sighing,
her Hallie-button stirring, and Hallie, she said,
“Come on, baby, tell me what I do.”
And, Eddie, his lips darted down,
his lips tugged at a button on her blouse, loosened it, and then another, and
then he leaned up, looked at her, he said,
“I’m going to tell you a poem, I’m
going to recite, I’m going to excite, going to get all sappy-delish,
scrumpilicious, all wondrously bullshitty on your sugary self, how about it?”
And, Hallie, she pretended to
struggle her hands and wriggle her bottom as Eddie, as he leaned in over and on
her, parting her legs, and Hallie, she said,
“Sure, sailor, sing me a ditty.”
And, Eddie, he said, looking down
on her exposed chest, exposed cleavage, the curve of the breast, Eddie, he
said,
“I call this Possessionem.”
And, Hallie, she wiggled and
giggled and said,
“Oh, I do so love a man who murmurs
Latin to me.”
And, Eddie, he said,
“If I were…”
Looking down, gazing down, dropping
his head down to lightly kiss the bare spot of oh so soft skin, Eddie, he said,
“If I were
to affix
the cross
between your breasts…”
Looking down, gazing down, dropping
his head down to slightly kiss the bare spot of oh so soft skin, Eddie, he
said,
“would your friends
scream
for Bar-abbus
as I crucified
your heart…”
And, Eddie, he kissed Hallie, and
Hallie, she kissed Eddie, and he let go of her hands and she reached around him
neck and pulled him to her and her legs parted and her skirt lifted and they
wiggled on the bed like virgins and Eddie, he fumbled with her blouse and he
fumbled with her bra and he fumbled with trying to remove her skirt and she,
Hallie, she stopped him and in some crouching tiger hidden dragon drunken kung
foo take the pebble from my hand grasshopper kind of flipperoonie Eddie found
himself on his back with her on top of him facing his his crotch, her back, her
butt, facing him, she quick to unzipper and haul out john henry and slide it,
slide Eddie, into her mouth, Eddie’s cock standing to slippery attention as he
felt in utter amazement the entire length, down to the hilt, disappear down her
throat, heaven was down, hell was up, his world upside down, and feeling so
right,
And he remembered, oh, right, that,
just as she started to bobbing up and down and he caught a glimpse, a total
look, of her panty region, bouncing, couldn’t follow the flap of the skirt,
couldn’t grasp the detail, and he reached up and slapped her on her ass and she
lifted it up and he slapped it again and she spun around away from his reach,
mouth still on cock,
Which Eddie thrust upward,
involuntarily with disappointment, gagging her, but not losing her, a gack and
a gurgle and a go, bob-a-lou bob-a-lopolis and Eddie, he sat up and took her
head in his hands and forcefully lifted her off his cock, Hallie pulling back
down, not wanting to let go, not wanting to lose what she wanted.
And, Eddie he rolled her over and
he held her hands above her head in one hand and he got on all fours and he
used his other hand to lift her skirt, to slide her skirt, he used this other
hand to touch her thigh, to tickle her tummy, to float above the cotton of
panty, dark colored, hiding, placing a shadow over, what he needed, what he
wanted, and Eddie, he held her there, his cock stiff and mighty, extending from
unbuckled pants, belt hanging down, the light hitting his cock, shimmering just
a bit as it bounced off Hallie’s saliva, her gaze following the light,
capturing the light of his cock, but Eddie, he didn’t notice.
He was singularly focused as well,
gazing, staring. The wanting and needing
pumped his cock into monstrous R.Crumb proportions, anticipating confirmation,
what is the color, really, Eddied just wanted to know, had to know, just what
was the color that was not tequila sunrise, how else could he know her if he
didn’t know.
How else?
And he reached down with both
hands, one on either side of her hips, her hands remaining above her head, and
she lifted her hips, wriggled, the skirt falling back down as her panties slid
out from beneath, slid out oh so slowly, had to have been forty days and forty
nights before the skirt began to recede, til he saw the olive branch of her
pale inner thigh.
And, Eddie, he thought,
“Oh, where is that mourning dove?”
And, Eddie’s cock, it thought,
“Oh, god, give me that fucking
morning love...”
And, Eddie, he pulled up the skirt
and wiggled his face down there, lips leaving bread crumbs of salvation behind
as they followed, dancing down skipping on down between betwixt that luscious
nether land, lips on skin, lips on skin, lips on skin…
Lips on skin…
A dart of the tongue, a probe…
Eddie, he slowed, lifted his head,
looked down below him, between her legs, her parted legs, her legs that
trembled just a bit, that forced a moan from behind him, that reached up to
grasp a cock that
Suddenly withered,
Fell,
Softly floated back down to earth.
And, Eddie, his eyes, they blinked,
he rubbed them, he blinked again, a Trac-II thief had violated his domain,
His tell,
Throbbing expectations doused and
made smooth with soap and water and blade, oh so smooth, baby’s behind smooth,
glimmering smooth, make a grown man cry smooth.
Eddie, the intensity of his body,
the complete contraction of every muscle he had, the stretch of fingers and
toes and cock, all of a sudden, Eddie, he simply expired, it all just left,
like a tire bursting on rocky desert terrain, the universe, she took it back,
she had dangled it right there in front of him, teased him, teased Eddie like
he was some stupid silly kitten chasing a ball of yarn.
Hallie, she sat up on her elbows and
looked at Eddie, his head dangling there over her cunt, his limp dick dangling
there over the foamy phosphorous of her white belly, any dampness all her
own. Hallie, she looked around, like
there might be someone there in the room holding a gun on them or something,
got to be something, got to be something major to slap his love in reverse,
Hallie, she looked at Eddie, she said,
“So, um, lover boy…
“Hey, sugar, sugar, honey, honey…”
And, Hallie, she nudged her cunt up
a bit, a little bump of cunt to nose, playful, all in fun, and Eddie, he got
up,
Eddie, he got up,
He pulled up his trousers, he
buttoned up, he zippered up, Eddie, he didn’t look down at Hallie, did not meet
her stare, could not meet her stare, he felt her anger, it burned, radiated,
hit his heart, he pulled on his coat, he walked out of the bedroom, he walked
down the hallway, Hallie, she finally found her voice, she screamed at him, she
said,
“Where the fuck are you going, you
can’t just fucking do that, you can’t just fucking look at my cunt and get up
and leave, a human being doesn’t just do that, where the fuck are you going?”
And, Hallie, she jumped up off of
the bed and ran out the door, chasing him down the hallway, she picked up and threw
a cigarette butt at him, burned almost down to the filter, her lipstick still
wrapped around,
Halley, she screamed at him, she
said,
“Where the fuck are you going, you
can’t just fucking do that, what is it with my cunt, a human being doesn’t just
do that, where the fuck are you going?”
And, Eddie, he ducked the
cigarette, and another, and he got a dusting of ash, and he opened the big door
and pulled it hard behind him and he bounded down the steps through the
building hallway down the remaining two flights, and he was out on the street,
Hallie was looking at him from the window of the second story stairway, Eddie
looked up, Hallie,
She flashed him.
She flashed him with a lift of the
curtain, the light behind her, the streetlight on her, Hallie, she flashed him
one last glance of her Lady Gillette self, and
Eddie, his dick tucked between his
legs, he flagged down a cab.