throckmorton he says leaning over to grab the cards scattered about the table it’s his deck to make throckmorton says he says now if we begin if we all begin to judge too harshly then hell pretty soon nobody gets to come nobody gets to play
panama jack he says getting up from his chair slapping his cards to the table face down getting up slapping his cards to the table walking over to pour himself a short scotch panama jack he says i hate these goddamn motherfucking middle cards the fucking game is high low it ain’t who has the best motherfucking middle cards
sitting on the bus earlier in the day sitting on the muni bus the number five fulton heading toward downtown eye’m sitting on one of those hard plastic seats with one of my all time best friends in the whole wide world who eye just met thirty forty five seconds earlier little old filipino woman sitting on the inside part of the bench against the window old wrinkled saks bag sitting on her lap don’t think the insides of that bag came from saks she nibbles on a lumpia wrapped in aluminum foil whiffs of steam sliding to her nostrils the slight whiffs of cabbage sliding to mine
a couple sits across the aisle young couple sits across the aisle one row up young man young woman twenty something he against the window she on the aisle she leans toward him he leans toward the window eye think he wishes he could jump out she says to him no doubt that it’s to him she says to him the only reason i’m here the only reason i’m in this town this place this city by the bay the only reason i’m here is
you
you’re the only thing holding me here without you i’d go home it’s just easier there easy like sunday morning that’s why i’m easy eye’m thinking lumpia going to my brain smoking a big phat lumpia eye’m thinking yeah she’s easy eye’m looking for easy shit eye’m just looking for a little fucking
peace in the valley
there will be peace in the valley for me some day there will be peace in the valley for me oh lord i pray she be so mean eye know eye know eye be so bad eye be a bad bad man but she be so mean she can’t help herself she got to hurt me she got to take that shard of glass slide it across my throat she can’t help herself she just got to she got to hurt me then eye got to hurt her then she got to hurt me pretty soon we she her eye me we don’t even fucking know why when where all we know all we got left all we know to do is fuck each other up lemme lemme fuck you up lemme lemme fuck you up she leans into him on the muni bus
she leans in
she puts her finger to his chest she says my whole life my entire life my whole life
fuck
on the elevator in one of the kaiser medical buildings on divisadero she cries eye don’t know why she cries she stands on the other side of the elevator eye stay on my side eye don’t even know how we decided who owned what side but somehow we had worked all that out she stands in the back of the elevator on her side tears drift lazily down her cheeks two salty trails one broad super highway the other a single path foot trail along the edge of the canyon eye want to ask her eye want to say
hey what’s wrong
but eye don’t and eye wonder why eye feel like letting my freak flag fly eye feel like eye owe it to
someone
hey what’s wrong eye get off on three she goes on up maybe all the way to heaven line broke monkey got choked they went to heaven on a little row boat eye got off on three stand in line hand them my card is this what it feels like in russia ten dollars she doesn’t look up she looks only at the computer the glow from the screen illuminates her face she takes my card takes my ten dollars doesn’t look up touches my hand says ooooh says ooooh your hand so cold eye say it’s a bit chilly out she says why don’t you wear gloves
eye have no answer to that
eye shrug she points to the waiting room eye go and wait seems eye do that oh so well last night eye sat at the table eye sat eye waited don’t you know the good cards they just kept showing up three queens won me a lot of money on two different occasions the sandman he said something witty he nudged me he said don’t forget to include you know i represent eye said yeah no problem he said write it down write it down in that little moleskine you got in your back pocket eye said baby eye got it eye got it eye got it hey man eye’m sorry
eye forgot it
eye’m going to use the too stoned defense eye mean eye mean hell it’s half your fault how many times did you say did you utter the words how many times did you say let’s smoke more weed and guiseppe hell he kept stuffing that bowl with hashish
third floor leave her behind in the elevator she’s going up going going up eye’m getting my eyeballs examined need to have my head examined fuck eye need to check in eye need to head up to napa put on one of those cute little pair of pee jays shuffle down the hallway drool cup half full half empty who the fuck knows need to have my head examined check into the cuckoos nest
she says she says oh baby you don’t need napa you just need a little whispering pines eye didn’t know eye only thought this only happened in fairy tales then eye saw her face now eye’m a believer eye scream she scream we all scream for ice cream both at the same time
parking lot love the squeal of tires in the parking lot don’t let the door hit you where the good lord split you
she leans in she puts her finger to his chest she says my whole life my entire life my whole life
fuck
that’s a lot of responsibility that’s almost a burden
later in the afternoon climb the mountain in marin cross that golden gate drive up the one oh one left into san anselmo climb that hill scenic road they pull no punches in marin they leave nothing to chance in marin tell you like it is in marin eye’m fretting we’re hunting another doctor trying to find that one trying to find that magic key
can this marriage be saved
eye’m fretting new doctor marin county worse san anselmo they are so unconnected in san anselmo maybe they smoke too much weed maybe they indulge themselves with too many crystals too much granoloa ask me it’s too much windham hill motherfuckers fucked up the world worse than the two bushes together windham hill and tantric sex like peanut butter and jelly eye’m fretting new doctor in marin eye’m thinking therapy thoughts fearful therapy thoughts oh please lord don’t be a crystal worshiping mantra humming earth goddess
we climb this mountain doc marcie greets us at the door with her dog java fuck eye’m in trouble can this marriage be saved why should it be of course it should be it’s a sacred institution marriage fuck all eye want to do eye want to move to a cave in joshua tree roll the boulder in front third day eye’ll arise from the dead ascend into my baby’s arms stepping out with my baby can’t be so bad when it feels so good doc marcie she greets us at the door eye’m shaking in my boots okay my nikes doc marcie she must’ve thrown them crystals up the chimney she kicks our ass drills us with a diamond tipped bit ain’t no local ain’t no general ain’t no corporal she has us both crying
it’s hard work
don’t have to be mean work don’t have to be mean don’t have to be mean you hurt me eye hurt you tit tat frick frack bada bing bada bang she screams eye scream we both scream same time never happened before it can be easy there can be peace in the valley
that’s a lot of responsibility that’s almost a burden
cards on a friday night home is where the heart is
throckmorton he says leaning over to grab the cards scattered about the table it’s his deck to make throckmorton says he says now if we begin if we all begin to judge too harshly then hell pretty soon nobody gets to come nobody gets to play
panama jack he says getting up from his chair slapping his cards to the table face down getting up slapping his cards to the table walking over to pour himself a short scotch panama jack he says i hate these goddamn motherfucking middle cards the fucking game is high low it ain’t who has the best motherfucking middle cards
it’s hard work peace in the valley meat and beat and all that
