Merry Fucking Christmas

yeah it’s christmas

they be running wild people here people there they be running wild in the streets they got guns they got tanks they got crazy ideas about god jesus mohammad the second third fourth coming eye can’t keep count four horsemen giddyup motherfucker take all these souls take us all pitiful pathetic souls that we aspire to be

one day baby don’t you know
we all just gotta get up and go
hey jesus please let me be
james brown he died at seventy three

they be running wild four more americans that’s all we care about anyway four more americans soldiers all four more died in eye rack today merry fucking christmas exmas whatever the fuck whips your cream baby let’s take the christ out of christmas let’s keep going let’s take the christ out of the church let’s take the fucking christ from george dubya’s lips from here on out he ain’t allowed to utter the word

jesus

four more americans died today merry fucking christmas four more died while president el presidente fearless leader dubya he spent christmas eve calling some of the you ess troops our boys and girls in uniform

not my fucking boy not my fucking girl

ain’t never going to see my babies in a uniform last night walking out of the movie me one and only favorite oldest child one and only favorite daughter eye say walking out of the movie eye put my arm around them both eye kiss them both on the forehead eye have to stretch up just a bit now to touch my lips to son

when did he get taller than me

love them both goddamn eye do eye say to them ain’t no flag worth dying for ain’t no flag worth killing for ain’t no god worth dying for ain’t no god worth killing for look me in the eye tell me you believe me eye mean eye understand

one day baby don’t you know
we all just gotta get up and go
hey jesus please let me be
james brown he died at seventy three

yeah fearless leader he spent the eve calling our boys and girls in uniform eye wonder wonder wonder who wrote the book of love who got the call who were the lucky dozen a lottery perhaps a bone to the good republican judge from east buttfuck pennsylvania dubya he made the calls god bless his soul the you ess military they say three of the four died in bagged dad when a roadside bomb detonated

debt oh nate ed

while a fourth yes that’s the fourth of four for those in my studio audience who are playing along this poor fucker died in an explosion east of the eye racky capital with their deaths drum roll please with their deaths the envelope please with their deaths we got a total of two thousand nine hundred sixty and nine you ess troops been killed since the war began in early march two thousand three

did eye ever tell you the war started on my birthday

happy fucking birthday to me merry fucking christmas to you we approaching three thousand guess that ain’t so bad how many got killed by katrina fuckups how many got killed starving to death in appalachia how many got killed in prison sucking dick

how many times will my mother die of breast cancer

one day baby don’t you know
we all just gotta get up and go
hey jesus please let me be
james brown he died at seventy three

what the hell eye’m done with this fucking war eye don’t give a shit eye don’t give a fuck eye’m going home to san francisco eye’m going nostalgic eye click on a little stevie forbert eye wax romantic eye go retro

meet me in the middle of the day
let me hear you say everything’s okay
bring me southern kisses from your room

eye don’t give a fuck about my reputation merry fucking christmas eye don’t give a fuck eye don’t give a shit ethiopian christian war planes bomb somali islamist terrorist insurgent rebel militia forces hoodlum motherfuckers ghetto fucking aff freakin’s let ‘em fucking kill each other fucking niggers who the fuck cares about them well maybe we like them nigerian cocksuckers they not only got black skin they got black gold they be all right merry fucking christmas yeah before they just had a few hundred millie tarry advisors now it’s oh fucking ficial it’s fucking war on

christmas day christmas eve

went by trader joe’s in laurel heights holiday food shopping don’t you know it’s christmas hey it’s exmas aye jesus we knew you so well yeah let’s go ahead and take the christ out of christmas eye mean what the fuck it’s obvious they’ve taken the christ out of the church jesus jesus we knew ye so well what happened to you what the fuck happened to you eye guess it’s just too much sometimes the burden fuck this burden

eye know believe me eye know

trader joe’s in laurel heights pushing my cart around eye got a list eye’m checking it twice there she is she comes walking down the aisle she be so hot she be a walking stick of dynamite die no mite eye stop in my tracks sometimes jesus he gives back for all the shit sometimes jesus he tosses us a crumb or two just gotta open them old eyes

don’t you know she’s russian aw man don’t look at me that way c’mon eye know before eye hear her talking on her cell phone here we are in laurel heights lily white granola crowd shopping at trader joe’s oh don’t you just love their wine selection yes check out my extra large recycled plastic bottle of doctor bronner’s magical peppermint soap oh those etonic’s are just so cute on you don’t you just love this fleece jacket not this woman not my russian goddess walking down the aisle basket on arm extending to black gloved hand

red shiny vinyl

coat sliding all the way down below her knees down to her lovely calves so carefully wrapped in sheer black stockings sheer but for two not one bold black bars shooting straight down from beneath the coat to the black knock me down fuck me quick shoes pointed toes

just in case she needs to kick me while eye’m down

eye know believe me eye know

her hat a la early to mid sixties audrey hepburn yeah audrey’s been on my mind lately funny how that is funny how that happens she’s been there a while hat red vinyl must have come with the coat an ensemble perhaps an outfit she be so sexy wonder what’s beneath eye trust my imagination baby you can too she be so sexy wild blond hair diamonds eye mean die mondes baby that authoritative dominatrix look telling me sneering at me

fuck me right or i will kill you

one day baby don’t you know
we all just gotta get up and go
hey jesus please let me be
james brown he died at seventy three

later sitting outside of café lo cubano sipping my cortadito ain’t eye hip ain’t eye cool reading my san francisco weekly trying to be radical chic don’t you know in that way that che guevera is among the white college kids private college what the fuck do they know about it what the fuck do eye know about it

eye ain’t never been shot at not with a real gun

what the fuck do we know about it when did we last go hungry when did we last dodge bullets when did we have to worry about getting buttfucked in prison fuck we have life issues we have personal crises we have to find our fucking selves we may even travel to vietnam pedal bicycles among the rice paddies coo softly even jealously over the simplicity of the peasant shall we call it lifestyle if all we had to worry about was getting up in the morning just making sure no weeds grew amongst between the tender rice shoots who needs love who needs romance when you gotta get up worry about the carpenter ants boll weevils rice grubs whatever the fuck fucks with the whole rice trip if we could only simplify simplify simplify be born grow up find someone to marry mate and fuck tend my rice raise the kids grow old then fucking die maybe give an offering to the local monk before eye go

one day baby don’t you know
we all just gotta get up and go
hey jesus please let me be
james brown he died at seventy three

give an offering to the local monk and his temple hey what’s so bad about that simplify simplify semper fi motherfucker oh my me oh my our life is so fucking troubled complicated complex chaotic

eye might just go to thailand live among the common folk work with the elephants

eye hear that they teach them to paint and play the bugle how about that cute woman eye’m back at café lo cubano now cute woman eye’m gonna say irish woman cute eye rish woman fair skinned bet she has sexy freckles in all the right places she be mid thirties there are two tables out front at cubano two tables on either side of the front door eye’m stage left she the cute irish woman she sits stage right with a woman who must be her mother later stage dorian grey the woman the young eye rish woman she reaches across the table touches mom’s hands lightly eye am reading my weekly reader it be mayor bashing it be chris daly bashing it be pee gee and ee bashing it be a left wing weekly after all and eye’m obligated to read them

eye’m white hip and enlightened

sympathetic to the cause of the downtrodden fuck the man stick it to the man she the cute irish lass she reaches across touches mom’s hands lightly she speaks slowly softly builds steam strolls her words until she stampedes them

men don’t understand her

she hasn’t had a decent relationship lasting more than two three four months since she don’t know when in such a long time oh mother what is wrong with me what’s wrong with her life eye mean this past summer she met this guy early summer he just didn’t get her he just couldn’t get her she says now holding mom’s hands she says i tried to tell him who i am i just tried to be honest i laid it all out there i did i told him everything i needed in a man i figured i thought hey i might as well let him know up front

momma she coos softly says baby baby i know i know

peeking over my weekly reader late afternoon san francisco december post solstice sun going down street lights starting to come on not too cold kind of nice out a kind crispness in the air eye’m thinking my did eye say it aloud eye’m thinking fuck fuck whatever happened to

mystery

hold something back baby keep it in the closet let it be good let it be deep let it be good and deep because

one day baby don’t you know
we all just gotta get up and go
hey jesus please let me be
james brown he died at seventy three

merry fucking christmas girlie girl six hundred thousand cocksuckers die in the desert me you sitting here in laurel village here on california street on christmas eve me you sitting here eye be so fucking radical hipster chic you be such the romantic

victim of love

love them both love them all goddamn eye do eye say to them ain’t no flag worth dying for ain’t no flag worth killing for ain’t no god worth dying for ain’t no god worth killing for look me in the eye tell me you believe me eye mean eye understand

one day baby don’t you know
we all just gotta get up and go
hey jesus please let me be
james brown he died at seventy three

four more americans died today merry fucking christmas and all that

Affirmation of Faith

i believe i believe i do believe yes i do

i believe in god the father almighty the creator of heaven and earth and in jesus christ his only son our lord credo in deum patrem omnipotentem creatorem coeli et terrae et in jesum christum filium ejus unicum dominum nostrum

dig

i believe in the father the son the holy ghost i believe in purple haze blotter acid peyote mushrooms and elle esse dee created by the hand of man himself i believe in moses mohammad buddha vishnu i believe in the blessings of her sacred goodness the kind green bud kay gee bee i believe in the power of love i believe in family i believe in the ultimate goodness in mankind i believe that

evil exists

in all of us

i believe in the holy act of fucking i believe grabbing a handful of hair of the willing and bringing her down onto my phallic being for sacred consumption i believe in the holy act of wiping my ass i believe in jacking off with wondrous abandon i believe in picking belly button lint out of my fucking belly button while i contemplate world peace while i contemplate when i might next jack off yet again i believe in coughing up a big loogie spitting it into the gutter and continuing on my way i believe that

love lasts

until you don't want it to last anymore and then it

lingers

come on baby move closer to me look into my eyes tell me what you believe

tell me how you feel tell me tell me i believe that i don't do enough to end the misery that permeates the world i believe that i eat more than my fair share i believe that i don't recycle enough i believe that i drive my car too much i believe that i maybe i shouldn't wear leather maybe i shouldn't eat meat i believe that i shouldn't have used chlorine in my hot tub i believe that i could have given the fucker on the corner a dollar without blinking an eye i believe i believe as edmund burke said that all that is necessary for evil to succeed is for good men to do

nothing

and i fucking believe in nothing i believe in everything i believe in my being confused about what to believe

my momma she taught me one thing my daddy he taught me another thing my cousins they taught me some things that haunt me to this day the church of my youth hell we went through so many young idealistic preachers i kind of forget what they taught me one of them let me listen to jesus christ superstar on his hi fi when he had some of us methodist youth fellows over for dinner one of them the young idealistic preachers one of them ranted against nixon in nineteen and seventy-two the autumn of that year to be precise said that nixon was evil and all who voted for him was evil he wasn't our preacher in nineteen and seventy-three i grew to believe that the church elders didn't really believe what

they told me

to believe and now many years later people who believed what the elders said but didn't believe i believe that they no longer believe but they are now the church elders not believing what they tell their youth

my teachers they taught me to believe in the flag and all that she represents i pledge allegiance to this fucking piece of cloth sewn by some old white woman for which it stands one fucking nation of crazy fucking people who could give a flying fuck about anyone else liberty and justice for everyone except those that don't fucking deserve it hey woman whip me up some broad cloth make it kind of colorful whip me up something that i can wave around something that the boys will lay down and die for

my teachers taught me

to believe in the innate goodness of these united states of america they taught me to believe that once old king george was not a jolly old soul not a jolly old soul was he and all of the fucking limey redcoat motherfuckers were evil incarnate but later through the triumph of redemption and the miracle of forgetting the past these chaps they ain't so bad now i mean they are white and speak english well most of them do

i believe the wiccan rede bide the witch's law ye must in perfect love in perfect trust eight words the wiccan rede fulfill and ye harm none do what ye will what ye send forth comes back to thee so ever mind the rule of three yeah yeah when oh when will the werewolves of london be smote with the

silver bullet

or three when oh when will the devils of new york be brought before god to testify when will they be dragged through the streets down broadway and up the effe dee are behind the chariot of apollo

close your eyes and count to three

one

two

three

when will she bring me up on charges of not giving a shit when will she drive the nails through my palms my ankles my hips when will that goddamn bitch go ahead and get it over with when will this cunt of a goddess stop squatting over us all pissing her beliefs pissing all over my beliefs

i know i know i know it's all in god's plan who was conceived of the holy spirit born of the virgin mary suffered under pontius pilate was crucified died and was buried and

then the sun went away and the dogwood tree became what we know it to be today and lightening struck and it struck and it struck and it struck goddamn it still strikes today the lightening struck when the europeans fucked up the new world when the europeans fucked up africa when turks slaughtered the armenians when the germans and the brits and the french kicked the shit out of each other when the japanese slaughtered the chinese when the germans slaughtered the jews the gays the gypsies when the americans dropped fire on the germans when they dropped hell itself on the japanese when the jews ran the arabs out of jerusalem when the chinese fucked up the koreans when the chinese fucked up the tibetans when the americans helped the cambodians fuck themselves up when the world stood by and watched the bosnians rwandans pick one pick any of them watched them fuck themselves up when the arabs fucked their women up when they continue to fuck themselves up when the americans fucked up central america when the russians fucked the chechens and everybody else they met oh yes it do

lightening strikes

all around us while we play our respective fiddles play that funky fiddle white boy yellow boy brown boy black boy don't make me cry and get all rodney king on you poor fucks but i believe i believe i believe that surely somehow

why can't we just all get along

all in god's plan he descended into hell the third day he arose again from the dead he ascended into heaven he sits at the right hand of god the father almighty

whence he shall come to judge the living and the dead

yeah i believe i believe that i will be judged i will be judged but not by you motherfucker i will not find twelve men who will be my peers i will not find twelve angry jurors that will hesitate to place my sorry neck into the noose i will not

believe in the holy spirit the holy catholic church the communion of saints the forgiveness of sins the resurrection of the body and life everlasting i will not no i will not believe in anything except the bloodied bodies that i see on the television screen i will believe in anything that larry king says is righteous i will believe in oprah and her orphans i will believe that anna nicole smith has righteous drunken tits that deserve not my lips but my teeth i will believe that the only desperate housewife is the one who has not tasted my cock i will believe anything that charles kuralt tells me about the holy down home sanctity of homespun americana

i believe i believe oh lawdy i do believe i do

well shit amen

affirmation of faith and all that