meet me in st louis

we will dance the hoochee koochee i will be your tootsie wootsie if you will meet in st louis meet me at the fair

and there she is sprawling across the prairie reaching all the way out with striped dash dot dash blue grey legs and arms dozens of arms she all kali and cute stretching getting all yogalini toward kansas city pushing up against the mighty mississippi like it was some shaky headboard attached to a squeaky brass frame and lo her body bodes breeding her hips oh her curves up and over and around embracing the prairie floor

i admire her from the top floor of the parking lot a phat joey dipped in honeybud dipped into my lungs gently down the stream merrily merrily longer yet milder my own personal midwestern club rasta

digga digga

chigga chigga

chop suey for st louis

tap tap the ashes floating down five floors snowly slowly onto taxis buses pickup trucks and john deere himself all circling our prairie princess paying homage to her lucky lindy lilliepad

and i dance down the stairs cross the skyway

enter her pulling baggage behind me finding her opening her weakness finding my way in

looking up in awe and wonder

a kid in the magic kingdom i’m captured by her spell sweet sweet cinderella let me be your cinderfella

them brightly lit corridors all a-white and windowed people scurrying this way that way doing the hokey pokey in the middle of the day in the middle of life bright afternoon sun blasting blaring declaring through the floor to ceiling glass to any and all declaring that she was hot and bothered

thou shalt not fuck with her

not today don’t even think about it she can fry your egg on the sidewalk she can sizzle your soul in the shade yes i just thank my lucky stars that i am inside enclosed existing

and i know i am here only by her patient and all merciful grace

doing the hokey pokey putting my left foot in

oh meet me in st louis meet me at the fair don’t tell me the lights are shining any place but there

stopping to breathe perch myself up on the barstool that sits

not up along affronting sturdy polished mahogany a bar with ancient water rings fossilized etched into its soul

nor does it even sit against faux formica woodgrain with expensive mugs of cheap bud sliding along

merrily merrily

merrily merrily

life is but a song

no simply stopping to sit upon a bent to the shape of not my ass but for the perfect ass described to me to us by some gay underwear designer by posing his boyfriend on billboards throughout the land and on the back pages of the right magazines with which we make a scene polished metal seat atop a polished metal pole with no thought much less attempt to attach an attachment upon which to put my feet

in front of a polished stainless steel bar serving not to feed me but my laptop phone ipad left nut right nut feed my need greed my weed

buzz buzz

buzz buzz

samsung charging station

channeling david byrne life during wartime how did i get here

but fuck

what’s a guy to do guess it’s just a sign of the times the way of the day the magic of the moment

a socially necessary distraction an indefinite departure from our deep down in the primal plasmatic goo hard coded basic instinctive drive to run up behind

that

her

she

yes

her ass peeking out from beneath short shards of cloth just crawl up behind it stick my nose up close and personal give it a big sniff  and

howl

as i see the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness starving hysterical naked dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix

and so i dig into my bag o’ tricks

as she the mystery voice of god herself speaks to me and the multitudes she speaks from the faux clouds  above she suggest gently that our time is nigh that our seat awaits up up and away in our beautiful balloon our

beautiful our

beautiful our

beautiful balloon

down the tube through the portal flirt with the waitresses wearing hotpants and tall pink hats

who strap me down straddle and threaten me with a scolding tongue lashing in an exit aisle seat asking me if i’m responsible if i’m willing to assist others should this big tin bird bite the big one

i can't look away she they have me in the clockwork orange chair of no resistance my eyes pried open

i nod in agreement

the pressure too much i return to my bag i dig i plow i go on safari deepest darkest heart of darkness a bend in the river

aha voila

yeah yeah yeah that’s the way it is that’s the way it goes i open up that little package of yummy gooey goodness it’s all officially wrapped i tear open the foil all sealed up airtight ready to last til five minutes past armageddon all adorned

with proper bureaucratic statements regarding the product’s purpose what not to do during the stated effective period perhaps affective period considering its content considering its molecular structure its sentence structure its grammatically significant appeal to rhyme and reason

and just where would i find heavy machinery any way

and there are ink blots with tables and charts indicating strength intensity percentages of active ingredients tetrahydrocannabinol cannabidiol and narratives of some not so active ingredients like gelatin flavoring color sweeteners citric acid wax

and love

yes yeah

lemme tell you right here and now

love

she is an active ingredient

with a healthy recommended daily dose

and a romp in the hay with a two-legged texan blonde and true with eyes of blue oh yes she is an active ingredient

comes complete with a healthy recommended daily dose twice on sunday twice with a sundae

with official symbols and a bright and prominent green cross branding as in made especially for signed sealed delivered she’s yours

if you can find your way to her sticky viscid viscous vanity

because once you tear along the dotted line indicated by the tiny little open scissors graphic international sign for cut my wrists you still have to liberate her little wiggly rowboat oh so delicately lift her from free her from the sealed cellophane peel it back gently nudge her watch her arch her back respond to your touch

jiggle jiggle wiggle wiggle giggle giggle

must be jelly cuz jam don’t shake that way

bits o’ shaky puddin’ pie dance the edge

make them cry

cross the t’s

dot the i’s

circle the oh’s

curl the toes

and then

and then

and then there’s that oh my moment 

scooby doo ecstacy

as she lands on your tongue

that oh my moaning moment jesussette dispensing with her own communion eat of my flesh drink of my juices slurp of my joy

ah ma chere qui ont mange le kif

j’ai mange du kif

ah ma chere i am zee locksmith of love no

baby oh baby nom nom nom cherchez la femme

and the waitress dabs the grey of her ashes on my forehead provides me with her blessing absolves me of my sins for yes i have sinned i have sinned i envy i lust i covet i crave

i breathe

i glance about the plane i know and love everyone aboard the father the son the holy ghost and jabba the hut who sits next to me he overflows from the middle seat the fat of his flesh slithers like bowlfuls of multidimensional amoebas covered with a damp tee shirt sporting his undying respect for ted nugent

and i will an invisible wall of lysol

and lean my attention across the aisle up one row to a brown man tall and dressed like charlie sheen and the safety officer waitress she suggests she asks she urges him to take his bag emblazoned with a fabulous late century walmart logo cradled in his lap she suggests she asks she urges him to put it up into the overhead compartment before we launch

he refuses he says said sack possesses popcorn a popcorn of special meaning of personal importance he needs to protect it

he embraces it defends it

she insists

he refuses

he looks around the plane searching for friendly eyes beseeching moral support all the others they look down they look around they look out the window at their newspapers they do their sudoku he is indignant i give him a big cheshire cat grin soft and stoney i love him i am embarrassed for him i want to give him the benefit of the doubt i want to think that perhaps the popcorn was popped in his lover's love juices perhaps he sprinkled his grandmother’s ashes upon the tender kernels

eat of me so that you may know my wisdom know my heart

i want to hold him in my arms place my hands around his throat and squeeze it til he sputters and sprays stutters and prays

and say to him brother ease your burden give me the popcorn allow me to lift your spirits i am stoned and starving munchie madness mauls my mellow

and i almost cut my hair 

but i didn’t 

and i wonder why

it’s almost like i’m feeling

someone

and it’s not the waitress in the hot pants and tall pink hat because she storms off up the aisle she speaks into the bat phone she points back down toward us me and my soulmate with added salt butter and brewers yeast she stops speaking she lowers her pointing arm she looks away from us she looks toward us she sighs hangs up the phone smiles shrugs slinks into her safety seat straps in masturbates and moans as the jets go

vroom vroom

and everyone of us pushes our feet through the floorboard and we do the fred flinstone twinkle toe tap dance down the runway as air pterodactyl soars into the sky

angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night

we of the twinkle toe takeoff blend our history and our poetry and our personalities into a single-celled entity suddenly believing in god for that split second that moment of doubt that molecular belief that it is against god’s will for us to fly we close our eyes and pray to serendipity she who whispers to us one by one sugary sweet nothings sugar plum faeries a-dancing on our eyelids she blows them away as if they were elven candles on a birthday cake

little puffs of love

and it’s wheels up and my eyes open three days later arising from the dead to sit at the right hand of love

we will dance the hoochee koochee and i will be your tootsie wootsie if you leave st louis meet me in the air

and all that

Commodore Rock

once twice three times a lady i have a story a true story a story with only a few embellishments a story about love a story about adventure it's a long story because there's a lot of love and it may take me a while to tell the whole thing the whole thing the whole thing but i'm going to at least start and who knows i may finish it someday probably not today or tomorrow but lord willing and the creek don't rise i just might and like all great love stories well really it's not so much a love story as it is a story about love but this story about love has long since started and began it begins at the end when i just have to say no beating around the bush just gotta come right out and say it

like this

i hate that fucking song

yeah that feels good

yeah i said it done gone and said it used the h word

i hate that fucking song

that commodores song

once twice three times a lady

i hate that song is the emotional equivalent of running your fingernails along the chalkboard i fucking fucking hate it and as a sad result just about just about just about anything else that the fucking commodores or lionel fucking ritchie might hum sing or somehow place in a grocery store gap walmart kmart elevator

or fucking starbucks

there were six of us but i really only remember the names of five of us hey it was a fucking long time ago you know i mean i mean i'm talking college here i mean i'm talking freshman here i can't even count that high how long ago it was there was me there was evan there was chrono there was hellinger there was kevin and there some other schmuck that i can't remember what a fucking schmuck fuck a schmuck hop on pop green eggs and ham lorax

atlanta february too cold for a cracker and florida claimed levi and rich so they were in the same boat and hell black and chrono deemed themselves quite cold capable black from pennsylvania western p a deer hunter country don't you know chrono from westpoint new york yeah like the fucking west point like run down the street throwing snowballs at the cadets at attention and they can't do a fucking thing like buckingfuckingham palace baby that westpoint we ate pizza

dominos

a cultural shock for this cracker from east swamp fuck egypt just the fact that someone would deliver za to you in the middle of the night when i we were good and stoned and really fucking needed it just blew my gator fucked mind

freshman guy chat seventies chat stoned chat politics jimmy carter president before the hostages he got screwed on that one fuck music high school stories oh man stories within stories within stories chicks chicks chicks stoned stories stories about being stoned in between bong hits the bong ruled the clubhouse

today it had rained it rained liked holy fucking hell the goddess must have drank all night long because lord knows she just peed all over us today she just opened up on us bared all and commenced to pouring

stories

stoned stories stirring memories mixing up mommas and pappas and mammies and pappies

dog stories

my dog fetched the ball from the fountain all afternoon galloping across the lawn sailing through the air over the wall of the fountain back arched tongue flailing out the side pink contrasting with the black and tan front and back legs extended fully just like on some fucking outdoor channel time trials for bird dogs just like some fucking purina dog chow alpo gainesburger commercial with marlin fucking mutual of omaha perkins

one of the stories must have been about camping most likely about camping and how many bong hits we did while camping or how much acid we dropped while camping or how many mushrooms we choked down and hurled back up whatever

drugs as macho fucking meter

so let's just fucking go now

where to

south carolina

why the fuck south carolina

there's a fucking lake there on the state line

what's it called

lake hartwell you fucking dumbass yankee

how do we get there

we don't have a car

we'll fucking hitch hike fuck face

hell yeah all six of us

no one's going to pick up six fucking dope heads at midnight

we'll split up and meet there

where

there somewhere we'll figure it out

meet back here in an hour

what about food hell we just ate we'll figure it out one hour be here

we all fucking showed up

we split up and picked spots to meet first spot north druid hills road and eighty-five north we all made it within an hour

midnight cold fucking midnight on a windy fucking highway

split up again thumbs out three and three separate separate

hey man got any hash left

yeah

sell two grams hash in times of no money is better than money in times of no hash

we get picked up by an old guy farmer kind of guy blue collar kind of guy in a covered pickup truck as we pass posse number two we say yeah those are our friends and he says why didn't you say so and the old guy pulls over and backs down the interstate for about a quarter mile at midnight and he keeps muttering to himself about you boys are fucking crazy and he's laughing and all six of us are in his pickup truck all bundled up heading north you're just not supposed to be heading north in february even in fucking georgia and we talk with the old guy and among ourselves and we tell him we go to college and he asks us where we're going and we say lake hartwell and he says where it's a big fucking lake and we say oh just drop us off when we get there we'll find a spot and we drive for a couple of hours and we smoke cigarettes and we stop at a store and buy some beer and share it with the old guy

and he let's us off on lake hartwell on the south carolina side it's a long fucking bridge that crosses the lake into south carolina and it's fucking cold the old guy said it was cold as a witches tittie and we all laughed because hell how many times had we fucking heard that one but it sounded funny coming from him

and we stumbled through the woods it was a good moon out not necessarily a full moon but a good moon and we could make our way down to the lake the lake being like a big old fucking mirror we made our way through the woods down to a little clearing near the lake and we scrounged around for firewood we barely had a flash light between us we somehow scrounged a fire and before long it was a big fucking fire and we started getting warm and we sat around

just like we had sat around the dorm room earlier that evening and we continued to do bong hits and chrono had a bottle of bourbon and we passed it around and drank it and told more stories and told more stories and told more stories and the moon whispered to us and the fire laughed with us and the water chimed in on occasion and it was all rather fucking magical it was all very loving and it was all all all

it was only the beginning

oh lawdy oh lawdy the fire died down the clouds came up the moon disappeared the wind picked up the only visible images emanating from the black being the occasional red bud of a cigarette from one or the other of us deep from beneath our sleeping bags the cold crept in

these boys were we men these boys were my best friends i was in constant awe that i could have friends like this that i had buds that would simply hop on pop at the odd chance that we could have a little fun with a simple choice of what was behind door number two as opposed to door number one there is really only one that i can pick up the phone and call there is only one who picks up the phone and says yo t what's up when i call there is really only one

there is really only one

there were two there really did used to be two there were two but i lost track of chrono a few years ago he had been heading elsewheres for a few years before that he'd been heading elsewheres for at least the last four years i think it began around the time of the clinton impeachment hearings maybe there's a connection and then george w must've just sent him over the edge not that he ever voted i don't think that chrono ever voted

turns out that he had a bit of a fucking problem

a little problem with that white stuff man the shit just took control over him go fucking figure it's one of those things where you can look back through that wiggly little path dark tunnel of our past that burps us out every fucking day that we manage to pull our sorry asses out of bed if we look back through that tunnel we can say yeah we should have known but hey but hey but hey you never know you never know you never could have known i mean what if that one time that one time that you yourself were supposed to meet up with him way back way back way back when and lend him some money and what if you had put the wrong address on the envelope and someone else had ended up with the dough and chrono would have ended up with nothing at least that day and instead of option number twenty-two-fifty that day he might have selected option number seventeen-eleven and ended up meeting some beautiful

blonde dominatrix nymphomaniac that had a thing for greek men

and the whole world might have been different

don’t you know don’t you just know and

the cold crept in and tried to claw its way into our sleeping bags no tent hard clay dirt fucking floor could be a fucking asphalt parking lot for all we could see right now little bitty pebbles poking into my back shit shit shit i hate it when it's so fucking cold and i have to get up and take a piss it's just too fucking cold and i have to piss like a fucking race horse like a fucking russian race horse ah shit i can't feel the tip of my nose it's so fucking cold i jump out of my sleeping bag and run over to the edge the edge of what i couldn't fucking tell you i run over to the edge of the clearing i guess and let it all hang out and the vigor of my stream sends an arc over the fucking moon and down in a spray of falling stars into the dry frozen weeds

urinal steam

drifting up like the fog machine at a pink floyd concert and midstream the cold starts to rise from the bare feet up through the heels through the ankles through my calves like i'm a tree stuck in the clay and the ice flows through my fucking xylem and phloem up through my knees until i'm shivering just enough to shake my frozen limp penis around like a garden hose on a hot august afternoon and piss sprays everywhere including my leg and i finally finish and

stuff my cock

back down into my pants who the fuck you calling a boy and slip back into my sleeping bag it's like sliding back into the plastic cover of a kool-aide ice pop and so instead of standing up shivering now i'm lying down shivering

and i dream about florida

and when i wake up i am the first to wake up i'm always the first to wake up i like to be the first one to wake up i like to get up and make out with the morning she's so shy when others are around she won't french kiss me unless we're alone

and when i wake up it's no dreamy arousal from a deep sleep it's a spring to baby the sun is shining and the lake is like fucking right here in front of us if i had taken a left instead of right in the middle of the night i would have been standing in water up to my knees when i peed

and the lake is huge and goes forever and i wander over and there's ice at the edge thin ice most translucent ice master i reach out with my boot and tap it with my toe and it cracks and breaks into water

and i lean over and throw a handful of water on my face when the shock is over i shake my head and throw another handful when that shock is over i shake my head like a wet dog and throw another handful until my dick is no longer hard

i married kevin's girl only at this time he hadn't even met her yet and evan slept with my girl we had both met her by then but she was going out with someone else but evan didn't really sleep with her until i had gone and split up with her but that didn't matter because i was still pissed and i thought i could kick his ass but i never did try it's a good thing because evan's bigger than me and probably would have kicked my ass

i never slept with chrono's girl or slept with rich's girl or slept the other schmuck's girl i don't think and i don't think that they ever slept with any of the girls i was sleeping with either but that doesn't mean we weren't close i mean i still loved them anyway

and then they began to wake up one by one and kevin built a fire he was that way

this is kind of the middle this is kind of the sweet spot this is the fucking navel of my tale

this is where i pontificate on where the fuck all my friends went this is where i wonder wonder wonder where they may have gone this is where i play the what if game this is where the world ends and the world begins

not a cloud in the sky always wanted to begin a story with a line about clouds and skies always thought it would be one of those snoopy moments where it begins with a dark and stormy night and somewhere in there the clouds would come up in the discussion but this is a much better approach i wish my life were on the same parallel with not a cloud in the sky

kevin was the man he was my man he lived across the hall from me freshman year we both could not stand our assigned roomies i probably could not stand my roomie more than he could not stand his roomie my roomie my roomie my roomie loved jesus yes he did does and jesus loved him or at least that's the way the song goes hell the song says he loves me too but my roomie said i was going to hell ah what the fuck

we were in heaven by the lake we were nowhere near hell we sat in our pews and kneeled in front of the goddess and took our communion from her gentle hands and prayed that she would satisfy our hardons when we returned to civilization and that maybe she might even help us get back safely to said civilization

kevin was my main he was my dude he was my brother we hung out he taught me about writing he taught me about love he was all about love he had a heart as big as the old oak tree where we'd sit beneath in the evenings and pass jays back and forth he was from western pennsylvania he was really a bit of a fuck off he ended up dropping out of school and taking a job in some restaurant and he moved to new orleans eventually and then he moved away away away and i never saw him again i googled him once but i didn't have time to search through all four hundred and seventy-five thousand three hundred and fifty-three hits that came up so

kevin and i once spent three hours in tallulah gorge talking bert down off of a boulder when he was tripping the boulder was only five feet high but bert had bigger worries and the mushrooms didn't help and now bert is dead no he didn't fall off the boulder he died of aids in the eighties

kevin and i had a house on ponce de leon with chrono and three other schmucks and we had a cat a kitten really and kevin loved that cat although it used to come upstairs and shit in chrono's clothes pile

kevin and i used to take my car to evan's fine foods no it didn't belong to evan our friend it was just the name of the place meat and two vegetables kind of place we always got smothered chicken and mashed potatoes and banana cream pie and coffee and we were happy it was an e-f-f experience

kevin and i used to listen to music together he had this infatuation with linda rondstat and jackson brown and i didn't but i stayed up all night with him in line waiting to buy tickets to jackson brown and helped him get tickets to linda rondstat and we saw dave bromberg together and we saw iggy pop together and we saw the sex pistols together and we saw jerry garcia together and we saw the new riders together and we saw willie nelson together and we saw the new barbarians together and we saw jerry jeff walker together and we saw the dixie dregs together and

he gave me my first book to write in and i still have it

kevin and i sat around the fire on lake hartwell and watched the others sleep and we smoked a joint we shared a joint we talked whispered really it was so nice out bright blue skies and pine trees and wind bouncing across the lake it was nice we didn't want to spoil it with our voices we were hungry we didn't even bring toilet paper then we shared a cigarette

kevin met a woman later the next year then that woman broke his heart and he moved to new orleans and then i started hanging out with the woman that broke his heart and i discovered why he loved her and i fell in love and she tried to break my heart but i wouldn't let her i was stubborn that way i wonder how life would have worked out if kevin had been stubborn that way if he had said no baby you are not going to break my heart then where would i be i wouldn't have three chirruns that make me grin

before i got stubborn with her though i had another woman and we broke each other's hearts and evan started hanging with this woman and i should have just said yo brother be happy yo sister be happy but i was a jerk and then we were all jerks and then evan and i had a falling out and then we i guess we just said hey dude she is out of the picture you are my buddy you are my pal i dig where you are you dig where i am let's just forget about it and that was that

i'm glad that kevin never got stubborn but i wish that he still loved me

because i'm always on that lake sharing a cigarette with him sharing a joint with him sharing the quiet with him sharing myself with him i just wish that he'd drop by the lake sometime and hang with me but it ain't never going to happen i heard a rumor that he lives in los angeles now wouldn't that be a trip

and the others got up and they got up one by one and they wandered off to pee and curse the fact that we had no toilet paper and they wandered back to smoke a little breakfast with us and it turns out that one or two of us had actually bought something besides beer at the store and a couple of candy bars were passed around and a couple of bags of potato chips were passed around and we enjoyed the breakfast of champions

and we threw rocks into the water and had contests to see who could skip the rock the furthest who could skip the rock the most times who could walk on water or come close to it who could pee the furthest while running backwards who could inhale the most part of a joint who could who could who could

love

and i was in awe when i went to college i was just a cracker from south georgia i was such a redneck hippie pseudointellectual asshole and these guys i mean these guys were something i mean evan was a fucking artist that could take junk from the trashcan and make it sing and rich was this musician who had spent a good part of his life in india his parents were missionaries go fucking figure he was the classic preacher's kid and he had wild tales upon tales upon tales and kevin was a writer and chrono was just fucking sharp as a fucking tack i mean he fucking was the sharpest tack in the box too bad he grew to like heroin

and i was in awe just trying to keep up with these guys i thought i had died and gone to heaven with these guys they were my pals they were my brothers they were my cousins they were they were they were

and now they are not

how the fuck does that happen how the fuck does that happen i mean there are fucked up things in life shit happens and all that but what the fuck how the fuck where did they go

chrono disappeared a few years ago broke my heart just up and fucking vanished it was probably advisable since the law was after him since he owed everyone money since he kind of lost it i mean he really lost it he had everything could have had everything he was the son with the talents in the bible that just blew them well except in chrono's case he snorted them it makes me so fucking mad i am so angry that he just up and vanished i helped him until the end and he lied to me up until the end and what the fuck

he knew how to wrangle some food from some people that had stopped at the roadside picnic area

and rich man he just sort of faded away i mean he was swept off his feet by a woman who would fuck him every which way but sunday and i bet that she did that too she was spooky beautiful and he simply fell pussy has that effect on us men i know

evan says that he saw him the other month he is still in atlanta

and evan is still an artist and he's had a baby and he's scared to death because he doesn't know that it's the coolest thing in the world he'll learn and then he won't be so scared oh he'll be scared all right but he'll be scared in other ways he'll be scared in that protective daddy way and that's cool and he'll be cool he'll be a good dad

and we eventually decided that we needed to move from one spot to another and we eventually decided that perhaps we should hitch hike back on down to atlanta because it was just too fucking cold to spend another night and so we started back down the road across the bridge

and you know like jim morrison he said

this is the end

we walked we walked we walked across that bridge it is a long bridge it was a long bridge it must have been a couple of miles long you could see and see and see and see and you could see your breath it was cold and the wind just whipped up and over and through us and we stopped midspan to unwrap one of those little foils of hashish neat little one gram packets packaged for quick and easy sale quick and easy sail pretty easy business hundred dollars an ounce gives me twenty-eight point two grams at ten dollars per so that gave me enough to eat on i was an early entrepreneur although i tended to smoke my profits what the fuck

we walked and we walked and we walked with our thumbs held out we split up into two groups of three i don't remember exactly who the third member of our group was but kevin came with me the third guy may have been the schmuck i couldn't remember i'm pretty sure it wasn't evan or rich it could have been chrono but i don't think so

we went up ahead it was sunday and it was the afternoon and we needed to get back and the sun was out which was cool but it was cold and our thumbs turned red we didn't have gloves i mean come on it was a spur of the moment thing we were stoned and we were standing on the bridge less than twenty-four hours after we had departed emory university that fine institution of higher learning

from whom my parents later that summer would receive a letter indicating that their son had been discovered with a bong outside of dobbs hall underneath the aforementioned oak tree with the aforementioned people and because of whom i had to explain to my dearly departed mother what a fucking bong was well geeze mom you see it's this plastic tube kind of thing and it's got this bowl and this hole yeah we call it a shotgun no i don't know why maybe it's because when you get a hit what's a hit well it's a toke what's a toke well it's it's it's shit mom i just use it to smoke a little weed sometimes you know how the pressure is at these higher institutions of learning don't worry it's not like i'm doing

heroin

and it's not like the letter is from fucking

joe friday

and we loaded a pipe and we huddled around to protect the bic lighter from the wind and we must have looked like quite the progressive little group three guys on a bridge huddled together with puffs of smoke arising up from our natural chimney we must have been quite the attraction because they pulled over on the middle of the bridge this was an interstate highway mind you this was interstate eighty-five coming down from greenville south carolina heading down to atlanta and then on to birmingham or is it montgomery hell i don't care it's fucking alabama fucking alabama is one fucked up little state let me tell you and if you happen to live there i'm sorry but it is one fucked up state probably only topped by or in a dead heat for most fucked up state with texas mississippi and arkansas ah hell i guess texas wins

they pulled over

a baby shit green nineteen sixty-five four door impala with a white vinyl top and white wall tires and spoked chrome reversals and they stopped up ahead of us and then they backed up down the fucking interstate on a fucking bridge and we ran up ahead to hook up with them and we got up to the car and this window rolled down this brother was sitting in the front seat and you could see him doing the manual roll down we all used to do the manual roll down every one is so fucking spoiled now kids these days don't even know how to roll down a fucking car window and he said

need a ride my friend

and we all hopped into the back seat all three of us into this huge backseat where this other fat albert looking guy was already sitting and so it was just a little bit crowded then we figured out that we needed to put our packs into the trunk and so we hopped back out of the car and and the driver hopped out of the car and opened the trunk and cars were blowing past us on the bridge honking their horns and the driver this tall skinny black dude with a seventies carolina fro right out of superfly with the fake silk polyester printed saturday night fever shirt and the purple bell bottoms and the platform stacks skinny mother fucker raised his hand high and flipped them off with the longest middle finger this side of wilt chamberlain and then we all hopped back into the car and the driver said

where you boys headed

and we told him we were going to atlanta and they said they were going to atlanta and that was cool we had us a ride all the way there that was cool and they said that they were from greenville and were heading down to atlanta to hook up with some friends did we know them and they said a name and we said no man we don't know the dudes but we're sure they are ok by us and they said cool

and they had an eight track tape player and in this eight track tape player they had a a bootleg tape of the commodores playing and they asked us if we liked the commodores and we were just glad to be out of the cold and we said yeah man we dig the commodores although i don't ever remember listening to the commodores except maybe at a high school dance and maybe i had copped a feel from this girl suzanne when i was dancing with her to some commodores tune she had lovely breasts and she let me feel them up

and we smoked cigarettes and we told jokes and we told stories and we tried to make our stories sound totally street and they would roll their eyes and laugh anyway they were pretty fucked up you could tell and i think having us in the car kind of weighed it down and made them go slower which was probably a good thing

and they passed us a bottle of brandy and we drank with them and then they asked the magic question

you boys cool

and we said oh yeah we're cool and they said well we all got some killer weed and they rolled a little pin joint and passed it back to us and we smoked it and ok we were upper middle class white boy dope heads who were just a little bit spoiled by the kind green bud and we rolled our eyes this was just fucking mexican shake killer weed our ass but we said hey this is tasty bro and they smiled and we said

want to try a little of our stash

and they said sure and we rolled a nice phattie none of this chintzy pin joint shit i'm talking phat and round and long and we creamed a healthy amount of hashish into this phatbone and lit it up and passed it around and the brothers went into a grin spin that slowed the car down to around thirty-five miles per hours and they got really quiet like we thought maybe we had overdone it just a little maybe we had just totally fucked them up when the tall skinny dude the driver turned full around in his seat with a grin that went from just beneath one side of his fro to the other side and said little dudes that was just about the smoothest weed that i've ever

smoked

and we all laughed because his buddy in the passenger seat had to grab the wheel because skinny wasn't looking where he was going and the car even though we were going mighty slow did the big car swerve or what

and then he settled back down and went totally quiet again and that's when we noticed the music that's when we noticed that the same tape had been in the entire time that's when we noticed that not only had that tape been in the player the entire time but that tape had been stuck on the same track the entire time that track had only one song on it and that song was

once twice three times a lady

it played once twice three times and then it played again and again

and then we had to piss really really really badly and these guys were just settling back and they didn't even notice that the song was playing over and over and over again they just sang along some in kind of mumbled hushed tones and we tried to sing along in mumbled tones as well

once twice three times a lady

over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again until we were about to scream and we were about to piss our pants

once twice three times a lady

and kevin nudged me and whispered for me to suggest that they change tapes or at least change tracks and i shook my head because i didn't want to upset my ride here i told kevin he should ask if it was bothering him so badly hoping that it was bothering him worse than it was bothering me and we went on and on and on and on

once twice three times a lady

arrrrggggghhhhhhh

so we rolled another joint and lit it up in the off chance that perhaps we would just fucking pass out and go to sleep and wouldn't have to listen to it when it went click click click and we knew that once again it had failed to change tracks and this went on for two hours or more and it nearly fucking drove us out of our minds it could very well have been a nancy reagan plot to get us off drugs except that jimmy carter was president that reagan was sneaky doing that kind of shit before he even became president

we all know he fucked carter with the hostage negotiations before he became president he just might have fucked us white boy college students in the same way

once twice three times a lady

oh god just wreck the fucking car oh jesus i promise that i will listen to gospel i will listen to fucking choir music every sunday morning i will give up all my earthly possessions and walk this earth forever preaching the word just let this fucking song end sweet mother of jesus mary joseph and the fucking goat he road in on just get this song out of my existence be gone devil be gone

and then they pulled off at the north druid hills exit and we got out of the car and we got our packs out of the trunk and we all gave each other hugs and i threw them a couple of nice foil packages of hashish and they hugged us again and we ran into the bushes and pissed for a good thirty minutes or least it seemed and then we caught the

bus

back to school back to emory back to the dorm back to dobbs hall we had meal tickets we had a warm shower we had we had we had we had

each other

and we had each other for a couple more years and we had each other for eternity but somehow

we blew it

and now we have we have we have we have

something else

once twice three times and all that

she feeds him greens

and she feeds him greens and cornbread pours a beer down his throat gives him a squeeze and a kiss and sends him on his way

up the hill

to his rooftop overlooking his goddess anchored below

who spins him into her soul whisks him up into a froth browns him on the edges sprinkles him with cinnamon slides in a candle lights it up in ways that simply

thrill

him that gives him that giggle gives him that grin makes him squirm like a worm makes him meander like that ol’ momma moccasin moving through the swampy soup back home coming to just eat her up

one long slow bite at a time

til she’s inside him

beneath his skin

way down within

mixing with his blood swirling like two feathers floating down down down dancing twirling two ballerina going round and round all the way softly oh so softly til they touch ground

sweet blue green grass

she look so good in green she do

and she feeds him greens and cornbread pours a beer down his throat gives him a squeeze and a kiss and sends him on his way

up the hill

to his nest on the hill

just up the hill where he can still hear her breathe where he can be in two skips and a jump maybe only a hop skip and a jump

just in case

maybe if

just in case

she jumps in her sleep just in case maybe some interloper should enter her dreams should disturb her sleep should tip toe out of closets and whisper

boo

he’d be there

lickety split in a heart beat in two shakes of a lamb’s tail in the blink of an eye

ain’t no mountain high enough

and she feeds him greens and cornbread pours a beer down his throat gives him a squeeze and a kiss and sends him on his way

up the hill

to get righteous to breathe his own air to lift his arms give thanks to the god of serendipity who seems to deal him decent hands who has been quite generous who has thrown a couple of teases yeah come on pull on the inside straight but who this time has dealt him a most wondrous hand all hearts to the queen he’s going all in all chips on the table

because why the fuck not

up the hill

to get righteous on the rooftop that overlooks this fair city that overlooks this town his town he is yertle the turtle he has dominion over all he sees and he sees cruise ships the lovely oriana into port on a saturday night back out to sea on a monday night lights all ablaze all the tourists drinking tax-free liquor bought at duty free the ballroom cranking up the slots all waiting to reach the three-mile limit

and he sees the golden gate bridge and the bay bridge all lit up like a christmas tree and the embarcadero and the transamerica and the hills are alive with the sound of music

a little figaro getting his blood to boil

an urging

from just a look over her shoulder she says now you don’t mind just a dab of bacon fat just a dab a do you don’t you know

don’t he know oh don’t he know oh can it be the voices calling him

sitting on the couch lounging bowl of greens torn off piece of cornbread little bit o’ molasses kicking back doing the chit doing the chat that got sprinkles of glitter makes them all a twitter the dance of words like a texas two step of rhyme and time

ladies do and the gents you know
it’s right by right by wrong you go
and you can’t go to heaven while you carry on so
and it’s home little gal and do si do
and it may be the last time he don’t know
and oh by gosh and oh by joe

and the dishes get done like they do

and she feeds him greens and cornbread pours a beer down his throat gives him a squeeze and a kiss and sends him on his way

up the hill

and prays he says he sings oh don’t let it be over let it just keep on going on and on and on and all that

Sam I Am Turns Fifty

love

is so beautifully ugly so purely tainted with its bits and pieces its trail mix of impurities

love

is such a lovely jello mold mottled marbled marred with mixed fruit aspic’d apricots such a wondrous field of sunflowers all a’bloom snakes and spiders slithering

circling stalks

splendid saxen flaxen waxen faces swiveling sunward seeking celestial solace

whilst doubts develop do well and dance atop our hopes

hell

love she herself gives pause drives me to dance peal about

pirouette and pout

so what’s a schmuck to do but revel in it and embrace its flaws

which i do as i lean over to my good friend my man sam

sam i am

as we walk along over the cobblestones that comprise the streets of brussels

it is cold and cloudy on this wintry late afternoon a dusky darkness alit by neon signs and glowing storefronts selling chocolates espresso and antiquities

signs in french and flemish but everyone is speaking the queen’s english

angels and gargoyles garnish cathedrals and heavily ornate government buildings divine illusions who look down upon the streets and the ambling hordes ancient stone beings clinching to walls and ledges and precipices looks of wonder anger venom and victory joy and division creatures who over the centuries witnessed the torture of jew and pagan witch and warlock krout and frog father and son brother and sister

the killing can be so easy once one gets the hang of it don’t you know

it is the eve of his fiftieth birthday he sam i am he is here with us his friends his compadres his bosom buddies

his associates

who along with him will eat drink and be merry who have already found good cheer in the bottom of a chilled glass in the hotel bar paying tribute to the business that brings us together convincing partners and customers alike that we are tha’ shit we are the kings of our intellectual domain

that we fervently believe nee that we know in our heart of hearts that television our version of it of course is the holy see of our generation that all one needs to do all any sinner any heathen anyone who may be searching for salvation redemption need do

is put their hand gently upon the screen

and

be

healed

and we exited the hotel upon the backs of doves to celebrate the birth of our sam our lord our savior might as well be christmas his mum being a virgin saint

she is

at least that’s what we tell him don’t want to upset him on this day this special day his birthday don’t want to upset him with tales of motherly debauchery

tales of dear old mum
taking it in the bum

the neighborhood lads
giving it to her
slapping their nads

would you could you in her house
would you could you with her mouth

and i lean over i put my arm around his shoulder i pull him in tightly i bring him in whisper into his ear

lovingly lecherously leeringly

tell him
inform him
enlighten him

that i am wearing his lovely wife’s panties beneath my jeans and not only do they feel so so good against me that they feel so good as that thin little thong rides up my ass but that’s ok that’s all right that i wore them specifically for him on this exceptional day so he would feel oh so special as i gave him a handjob beneath the table

yank yank
fizz fizz
oh what a relief it is

and we laugh and pat each other on the back and call each other faggots and queers and say we would each be proud to suck off the other one because we’re men real men and we don’t give a flying fuck we don’t give a silly sally shit about such lines that weaker beings may draw

and we walk down some winding alley propped up by restaurants and cafes and we are accosted by a tall and thin restaurant barker extraordinaire who regales us in pepe le pew accented english greets us with open arms and a young innocent the world is our oyster smile promises us free beers and women at the bar and women beneath the table and sunshine and eternal happiness

and unicorns and rainbows

and we bite hook line and sinker we wander in order buckets of moules et frites

would you could you in a car
eat them eat them
here they are

and we complain of customers and we complain of fellow workers current and departed and complain of our meager pay and our meager penises and we guffaw and giggle and spit white wine soaked bread from lips that never seem to cease moving from sentences that must that absolutely must be uttered

would you could you in a box
would you could you with a fox

and we argue over politics the euro the european union and greece sam i am he is quite proud that the united kingdom is not part of such shenanigans and someone tells him that they will be fucked when scotland departs and sam i am loudly proposes the quartering all of the fucking faggot scots as they once did william wallace so many years ago

and the irish amongst us get just a wee bit nervous memories of sir walter raleigh and the troubles still fresh in their mind

and we’re forced to climb narrow twisty iron steps upstairs in order to take a piss in a small closeted room where the urinal is on the wall right outside the door to the women’s loo

and i pee for so long that two or three of the lovely lasses come and go with the clomp clomp of heavy eurodyke heels supporting bodacious butts and boobs the door slap slap slapping as it bounces when each of them come or go

making me already a shy pisser making me a bit more nervous pinching off the stream and flinching with each slap with each bounce

and we finally up and leave ourselves we pay our bill of several hundred euros whatever happened to the free fucking beers and the waiter stands lurks over us with his little portable credit card machine stands over us watching to see if we put down a tip

which we do not because we can’t find the place on the bill to include it and because neither of us wants to engage the beret wearing walloon

because once you do you’re committed to an evening of platonian discourse

and so we wander out the door back up through the alley

and around to the ancient buildings and ghosts that make up le grand place

which we wander about wander around looking up looking down until we enter and sit at a table in le roy d’espagne an infamous bar that is looked after that is cared for by saint-aubertus the saint of all bakers

we are an international crowd sam from slough and a meatloaf looking longhaired german trying to be dutch living in the utrecht suburbs and a squared off dutch sailor with popeye forearms and two dubliner drunks with bad teeth and wistful thoughts and a cracker from south georgia who is punching over his weight class

we are white we are euro men who know all that needs to be known

and we drink copious amounts of fine belgian beer while being served by surly walloon waiters and waitresses wearing silly stiff white aprons that go up above and slipping over the head providing a sturdy mantle upon which perhaps drinks were formerly served

and we raise our glasses of belgian white and we toast to our good fortune we toast to our good times we toast to the miracle of life to the miracle that sam i am had made it to his fiftieth year

and we wish him another fifty

and we toast we drink to

liberte
egalite
fraternite

life liberty and the pursuit of happiness

of thee i sing

and we challenge each other to name five famous belgians but we each fail and between us we can name only two

king leopold and tin tin

til sam reminds us that tin tin is not actually a real belgian or even a real person

and then we laugh and make fun of the local populace not with any malevolence but with the raucous affectionate love that one has for his or her fellow human being delighting in our differences exalting in our ability to raise the dead

to play jesus

their own personal jesus someone who hears their prayers someone who cares

oh it is indeed getting better to have someone to blame

one love
one life
one need in the night
one love we get to share

then one of us does remember livingston

or is it stanley

either way we can’t remember a surname or given name or whatever name it is we’ve forgotten

and sam i am he says he is a happy man he is a drunken happy man with a smile on his face his grin wide and bright his eyes all a’sparkle he says he has few regrets

have you come here for forgiveness
have you come to raise the dead
have you come here to play jesus
to the lepers in your head

he says he regrets never having learned to properly dance salsa to dance the tango to dance the cha cha cha

he says he regrets having given his wife syphilis

but that was years ago and she’s since forgiven him and provided him with children who make him proud and who thank god look more like his lovely tolerant saintly wife and less like the ugly fuck that is sam i am

and we all stand and make a toast to

love

who is so beautifully ugly so purely tainted with her bits and pieces her trail mix of impurities

love

who is such a lovely jello mold mottled marbled marred with mixed fruit aspic’d apricots such a wondrous field of sunflowers all a’bloom snakes and spiders slithering

circling stalks

splendid saxen flaxen waxen faces swiveling sunward seeking celestial solace

whilst doubts develop do well and dance atop our hopes

hell

love she herself gives pause drives us to dance peal about

pirouette and pout

so what’s a schmuck to do but revel in it and embrace its flaws

happy birthday to sam i am and all that

singin' dem icy london blues

so i’m hanging outside the hotel

it’s cold it’s miserable there’s ice on the sidewalk there’s some sort of naturally occurring acrimonious aura within which we’re all floating and flailing

frowns abound

and i’m in some terrible need of some fresh air

i need to escape the attitude of the airport hotel it’s the same all over the world no one is a regular at an airport hotel no one in their right mind really wants to stay at an airport hotel they’re all simple utilitarian boxes with beds and running water and a very unsatisfying television channel line up but they are ready willing and able to accommodate one’s base needs for a simple

shit shower and shave

the chick behind the counter she’s all business she’s all about the minimum daily requirement of vitamin courtesy she could give a shit about who what when where why there’s none of the jovial interest in me my business my raison d’etre

she doesn’t know that i’m in love nor does she care

she glances at my passport she takes my credit card she gives it a swipe hands me my key points to the general location of the elevator with a nod of her head

and i’m erased from her memory

i’ve flown all the way from san francisco to london trapped in some middle coach seat in between the cutest sweetest little old lady couldn’t have been more than five foot two looked liked she was a miss marbles refugee complete with matching hat and scarf hands folded on her lap

and some redheaded silicon valley nouveau company middle manager with the classic hipster prison pussy goatee wrapped around what should have been a chin

but wasn’t

a couple of joints previously smoked in the airport parking lot a double dose of medical edibles two shots of whiskey from those cute little bottles and a rented copy of sukiyaki western django the only path to making it through this trip

goddamn how does miss marble do it maybe it’s some sort of episcopalian meditation practice a constant mantra giving thanks to henry the eighth and his hottentot hottie anne boleyn

anna anna come to bed
i’m a gonna chop off your head

over and over and over again until she reaches that desired state of emotional translucence

maybe her doctor has her on so many fucking valium that she has no fucking idea where she is much less that she really is quite uncomfortable

maybe she has inserted a pair of sherry-filled benwa balls and she is experiencing such drunken heights of orgasmic pleasure that she simply cannot even fathom moving for fear of losing this edge

you move it you lose it

cialis paralysis can leave a person all weak in the ankles

and perhaps i’ve gone too far or not far enough

i’m too fucking stoned to read

i’m too fucking stoned to pay attention to any movie or video on these circa nineteen sixty-seven television screens that dangle from the curvature of the airplane’s spine

i’m too fucking stoned to do the crossword puzzle in the airline smut-zine

i’m too fucking stoned to keep my eyes open and count the cracks on the wall

but i’m too uncomfortable in my middle seat in the cattle car to fall asleep

oh the fucking horror

arriving in london well not really london per se best said arriving at heathrow only to have to walk seven point three miles along windowless hallways and up down staircases whose only purpose is to inflict emotional pain to wear down one’s already faltering ego

winding my way through this bureaucratic maze that is england only to be stuck snaking sneaking salamandering through the cue so that i that we can be inspected accepted rejected poked prodded patted purgatoried browbeat by bums with bad teeth and bad haircuts wearing ill fitting uniforms and

telling by the grimace on their face

shoes that must be oh so uncomfortable with laces too short to properly tie with laces too short to hang themselves in the shower ain’t no autoerotic asphyxiation happening with these laces ain’t no david carridine action happening with these laces

these laces that constantly come undone

oh she’s come undone

and carl the customs man thumbs through my passport looking for an empty page glancing at stamps for mexico glancing at stamps for israel for canada for holland belgium germany france korea singapore glancing at my chinese visas my brazilian visas finds a blank spot gives my passport a ch-ching ch-ching with the stamp machine

and sends me on my way

to stand in another line so can get myself a few quid all printed up in such pretty colors and graced by the image of a sexless matron wearing a crown of corn

to blaze a trail across and through the cold rain and snow to hop into a black cab that will drop me off at the doorstep of my own personal hell so i can spend quality time in some windowless colorless unadorned conference room on one of the middle floors of a dreary square box and glass office building in the middle of some dismal office park out near the airport out near the hotel

which is itself quite the symbol of this post-industrial we make nothing but we distribute knowledge office park

where we carelessly play with blasting caps of potential edge walking yes and no with the explosive emotional release of cum spurting dealgasm

and then late in the afternoon on to the hotel to settle into conference calls with the west coast with the good folks back home who are just beginning their day and could give a shit that while in theory they care but in practice they could give a shit that i should be ending mine

such is the life of a schmuck

and then i’m outside hanging with the other hotel outcasts these lonely smokers most having been exiled ostracized from all aspects of normal human social activities i mean for crissake can’t a guy even have a fucking fag in a bar while he’s sipping his whiskey complaining to any who will listen about his fucked up life

I prefer to hang with these untouchables who brave the cold to congregate and suck fumes and inhale witticisms not that i’m partaking in their filthy disgusting habit not that i’m about to be wallowing in their fucking mud hole i mean i might sneak around the corner and hit the blue dream get a little righteous become one with i and i and jah

the father
the son
the holy ghost

i’ve left behind love and rockets to land in this rumpus room of misfits i just can’t believe the loveliness of loving you i just can’t believe it’s true

sugar sugar
honey honey

aw yeah

pour a little sugar on it honey

you are my candy girl and you got me wanting you

lean back against the wall tilt back the head glance up at the moon and howl

shed a tear choke back a sob
let that lower lip tremble
just a bit
come back around and engage

say hey
talk name rank and serial number
the where you from
the where you going

dude dressed in his grandpa’s double ell fucking beane plaid jacket and wool-lined duck shoes smoking a lucky strike drinking what looked like a jack and coke with a blue plastic sword skewering a maraschino cherry resting amongst the ice in a plastic cup

yeah my momma she called me claude that’s my name born and bred in oklahoma yet i ain’t been there in thirty years what a pit of a fucking place and i know pits fucking eh lived for seven years in si-goddamn-beria lived in this town on the edge of the world smack dab in the middle of a goddamn puckered goat’s rectum

i tell you what

lived in singapore a couple of years that was fucking nice my wife yeah i’m motherfucking married what i look like i ain’t never been married fuck you my wife she said i must’ve pissed someone off

one day i’m sipping a cold one sitting on a fine couch in a high rise with the air conditioner blasting away next thing i know i’ve got my ass parked in si-fucking-beria

yeah must’ve pissed off somebody

heh

shit i turned sixty fucking two sitting out in the middle of the saudi goddamn arabian desert fucking sand niggers never let you have any fun

but lemme tell you

living in ell eh for two years was fucking worse far as i’m concerned the whole goddamn valley might as well be the la brea fucking tarpits let’s throw the lot of ‘em into the bubbling pitch and watch what little meat they have melt off their bones leaving nothing but their big broad crest white strip enlightened choppers

yeah ell eh now that place is the fucking asshole of the world goddamned new age liberal crystal worshipers

i light his cigarette i lean close cup the lighter in my hand flick flick click the bic i whisper maybe a bit harshly i consider biting his ear he just looks like he needs his ear bit it’s all weathered and red with a couple of lost hairs wiggling out reaching for the sky i ask him i say so dude so what the fuck did you do what gods did you cross what past lives did you totally fuck up that you lived in so many miserable places he says looking down his nose and over his drink at me he says leaning back on his heels he says

oil

fucking oil

i’m an oil man

and i ask him i lean back up to that shriveled shrunken head image of an ear i say so if it was so miserable why did you even bother doing it why did you let them keep moving you around like that

he looks at me like i had just asked him why his dog had three legs he says leaning a bit left on a bent knee his left eye shut he says

fuck if i know must’ve been the money

londonderry and all that

Spinning Me Slowly

it is somewhere around the balboa theater near the edge of the world when the blue dream begins to kick in when the dark dark blue hashish whispers her magic words licks at my soul with her wicked tongue

i will remember in some near or distant future i will remember saying something like i feel a bit lightheaded maybe you should drive then whoa i turn your way well hey you aren’t there

baby where the fuck did you go

and suddenly there is a terrible roar all around us and the sky is full of what looks like huge bats all swooping and screeching and diving around the car

and a voice is screaming holy jesus what are these goddamn animals

then all is quiet

how do you do that where do you find these rabbit holes worm holes peek a boo drive-by glory holes into my mind my heart my soul my dreams i don’t know do you know how you do that how you do that

like a thread of heroin sneaking up through the vein

bursting out like yellow fucking stone jelly fucking stone

in my brain

just like pop rocks

hey boo boo i’m smarter than the average bear don’t you know and i got to pull over I pull the beater beemer over slide her tired old self right into an always open outer richmond outsideland out by the beach parking spot windows down the breeze blowing in off the water so chill and cool

the little hairs on the back of my neck they just tingle they stand up and wiggle they dance all about and tickle my fancy send shivers up and down my spine

like i’m back home way up through the woods out on the edge of the pasture sitting up in the sugar shack on a bale of hay with my first girlfriend debra she sweet and nasty debra she taught me to kiss she taught me to touch lips and linger and enjoy and feel the love and give the love and share the love and we wiggled and we danced on those bales of hay way out there in the sugar shack

goddamn can i get a witness

one mo’ little toke o’ the blue dream little dark blue pearls of pussy dripped into such a wondrous resin to sacrifice to the goddess herself toss the virgin onto the fire breathe her in

feel it

do it

express yourself

i’m here to get a little trim touch up the locks do the metrosexual thing fight the aging fight fight against that good night my man peter pan he keeps his shop way out here by the beach i have traveled from my perch atop little city i made my way out meandered out over hill and dale to this edge hey it’s worth it hey

he’s peter fucking pan

doesn’t speak a word of english but he’s the hippest dude i know peter fucking pan way out here in never never land

and i walk in and here’s peter’s wife may and she sits me down and brings me fresh pineapple cake fresh from tawain from where they’ve just returned back from chinese new year’s she brings me jasmine tea she so cool she so hot

we do the chit we do the chat she tells me stories of family and dinners and trips over to hong kong to shop and she shows me a new scarf it is beautiful a jade color with gold threads running through in wild patterns

like you do along this blue dream trail running up and through my glory holes

then she may then she gets up and she leaves and she comes back with the black robe and she has me stand up and she has me hold my arms and she lifts up the robe with her own open arms oh god is love and love is god and to thee i do give thanks i give thanks goddamn i do and i slide right in like i want to slide into her slip sliding into her like i am simply sliding slip sliding banana peel falling head over heel like i always do i am so clumsy i fall so easily

i ain’t so easy to love but i love so easily

and my asian athena she takes me by the hand leads me to the baptismal pool to the big soft chair where she helps me lay gently back til my head rests just below the warm waters that pour oh so so faintly and there he is peter pan standing there like a large asian prince of the elves he is there behind me and he takes my head into his hands into his magical elven hands he touches me with the tips of his fingers he wiggles them fingers he dances them fingers like black bart is standing outside the bar with them fingers black bart he holding a bottle of whiskey in one hand he got that big six shooter in the other he drunkenly yelling at them fingers he screaming dance motherfucker dance shooting his big old pistol them fingers they jump to they wiggle they dance they do the soft shoe they do the tap they waltze across my head

and i surrender to peter pan this motherfucker this silly sally shit is like goddamn crack i’ll suck his dick i’ll suck his daddy’s dick after I run out of all my money sell my mother’s jewelry sell my chirruns into slavery i surrender right into them fingers

and i surrender to peter pan and he takes me up on his magic carpet and i just float up and around them fingers they shoot fire and heroin and love and wonder i stand up and step off onto a cloud such a cool gold bond moment on the toes i open a door and here you are how did you get here goddamn here you are standing at your kitchen sink playing with your food

playing like you do playing with purpose

long blonde hair falling down below your shoulders

handfuls

goddamn

got them curves like a girl got like a girl she supposed to have got them places to hold on to got them places to grab hold of got them curves like a girl got curves them curves that give me a big dipper loop de loop ride turn me upside down spin me around baby i just wanna be your hula hoop just pick me up give me a whirl swing them hips hands over your head i am a monkey in the space ship i just wanna orbit your hot self

spin me slowly

suspend me about them hips

and let me slip slide fall around about

them long legs that go all the way down to the floor so white and smooth and inviting all the way down to them cute little piggly wigglies that i know can dig into the sheets grip the sheets grip the hairs on my legs pull me in

oh silly sally up at the sugar shack oh miz sweet in my tea please pull me in

let me be that little bit of chili in your salad let me be that touch of wasabi that causes you to catch your breath i want to be that guy

for you

i crave you to crave me

‘cause fuck you girl you do it to me it’s only fair love war mata hari you stole a lock of my hair you sewed it into your voodoo doll you stuck a pin into its heart

that draws me up behind you that pulls me up to you that takes my hands that sends my hands up and around that take your fullness in squeezes you back into me that move up to your throat as your head falls back and turns to kiss

to let your lips linger

your throat in my hands

lord know how i miss those days dressin’ up for church on easter sunday doing the electric slide at every party

if only you knew what i’ve been through you would celebrate

get up

you would celebrate

like i celebrate like i’m celebrating right now pressing up against you standing up there against the kitchen sink all wondrously june cleaver you should have pearls big droplets of white pearls on that milky pale soft silky skin pressing up against you

wanting you needing you right here right now you can feel me i know you can right this very moment you feel me growing you feel me breaking out breaking through i cannot be contained

you do that to me

i want to be that guy for you

and then the door it closes that wind it just sweeps me out and the door it closes and the magic carpet it floats back down to the ground and peter pan’s magic fingers they’re tapping upon my head as he’s finishing up with a quick playful toweling and i open my eyes and may she’s standing there in front of me and she’s not looking at my eyes she looking a little further south and here you’ve gone and done it again got me all worked up even in my blue dream magic finger haze you got me all jiggety you’ve left me so wanting craving

it’s there for all the world to see how i bleed how you make that voodoo doll make me bleed baby you are my voodoo priestess i am your zombie prince with the monster slumber time dream space hardon

and may her eyes then move up to greet mine with a grin and me well i just close my eyes and lay back down into the towel

spinning me slowly and all that