Meat and Beat

throckmorton he says leaning over to grab the cards scattered about the table it’s his deck to make throckmorton says he says now if we begin if we all begin to judge too harshly then hell pretty soon nobody gets to come nobody gets to play

panama jack he says getting up from his chair slapping his cards to the table face down getting up slapping his cards to the table walking over to pour himself a short scotch panama jack he says i hate these goddamn motherfucking middle cards the fucking game is high low it ain’t who has the best motherfucking middle cards

sitting on the bus earlier in the day sitting on the muni bus the number five fulton heading toward downtown eye’m sitting on one of those hard plastic seats with one of my all time best friends in the whole wide world who eye just met thirty forty five seconds earlier little old filipino woman sitting on the inside part of the bench against the window old wrinkled saks bag sitting on her lap don’t think the insides of that bag came from saks she nibbles on a lumpia wrapped in aluminum foil whiffs of steam sliding to her nostrils the slight whiffs of cabbage sliding to mine

a couple sits across the aisle young couple sits across the aisle one row up young man young woman twenty something he against the window she on the aisle she leans toward him he leans toward the window eye think he wishes he could jump out she says to him no doubt that it’s to him she says to him the only reason i’m here the only reason i’m in this town this place this city by the bay the only reason i’m here is

you

you’re the only thing holding me here without you i’d go home it’s just easier there easy like sunday morning that’s why i’m easy eye’m thinking lumpia going to my brain smoking a big phat lumpia eye’m thinking yeah she’s easy eye’m looking for easy shit eye’m just looking for a little fucking

peace in the valley

there will be peace in the valley for me some day there will be peace in the valley for me oh lord i pray she be so mean eye know eye know eye be so bad eye be a bad bad man but she be so mean she can’t help herself she got to hurt me she got to take that shard of glass slide it across my throat she can’t help herself she just got to she got to hurt me then eye got to hurt her then she got to hurt me pretty soon we she her eye me we don’t even fucking know why when where all we know all we got left all we know to do is fuck each other up lemme lemme fuck you up lemme lemme fuck you up she leans into him on the muni bus

she leans in

she puts her finger to his chest she says my whole life my entire life my whole life

fuck

on the elevator in one of the kaiser medical buildings on divisadero she cries eye don’t know why she cries she stands on the other side of the elevator eye stay on my side eye don’t even know how we decided who owned what side but somehow we had worked all that out she stands in the back of the elevator on her side tears drift lazily down her cheeks two salty trails one broad super highway the other a single path foot trail along the edge of the canyon eye want to ask her eye want to say

hey what’s wrong

but eye don’t and eye wonder why eye feel like letting my freak flag fly eye feel like eye owe it to

someone

hey what’s wrong eye get off on three she goes on up maybe all the way to heaven line broke monkey got choked they went to heaven on a little row boat eye got off on three stand in line hand them my card is this what it feels like in russia ten dollars she doesn’t look up she looks only at the computer the glow from the screen illuminates her face she takes my card takes my ten dollars doesn’t look up touches my hand says ooooh says ooooh your hand so cold eye say it’s a bit chilly out she says why don’t you wear gloves

eye have no answer to that

eye shrug she points to the waiting room eye go and wait seems eye do that oh so well last night eye sat at the table eye sat eye waited don’t you know the good cards they just kept showing up three queens won me a lot of money on two different occasions the sandman he said something witty he nudged me he said don’t forget to include you know i represent eye said yeah no problem he said write it down write it down in that little moleskine you got in your back pocket eye said baby eye got it eye got it eye got it hey man eye’m sorry

eye forgot it

eye’m going to use the too stoned defense eye mean eye mean hell it’s half your fault how many times did you say did you utter the words how many times did you say let’s smoke more weed and guiseppe hell he kept stuffing that bowl with hashish

third floor leave her behind in the elevator she’s going up going going up eye’m getting my eyeballs examined need to have my head examined fuck eye need to check in eye need to head up to napa put on one of those cute little pair of pee jays shuffle down the hallway drool cup half full half empty who the fuck knows need to have my head examined check into the cuckoos nest

she says she says oh baby you don’t need napa you just need a little whispering pines eye didn’t know eye only thought this only happened in fairy tales then eye saw her face now eye’m a believer eye scream she scream we all scream for ice cream both at the same time

parking lot love the squeal of tires in the parking lot don’t let the door hit you where the good lord split you

she leans in she puts her finger to his chest she says my whole life my entire life my whole life

fuck

that’s a lot of responsibility that’s almost a burden

later in the afternoon climb the mountain in marin cross that golden gate drive up the one oh one left into san anselmo climb that hill scenic road they pull no punches in marin they leave nothing to chance in marin tell you like it is in marin eye’m fretting we’re hunting another doctor trying to find that one trying to find that magic key

can this marriage be saved

eye’m fretting new doctor marin county worse san anselmo they are so unconnected in san anselmo maybe they smoke too much weed maybe they indulge themselves with too many crystals too much granoloa ask me it’s too much windham hill motherfuckers fucked up the world worse than the two bushes together windham hill and tantric sex like peanut butter and jelly eye’m fretting new doctor in marin eye’m thinking therapy thoughts fearful therapy thoughts oh please lord don’t be a crystal worshiping mantra humming earth goddess

we climb this mountain doc marcie greets us at the door with her dog java fuck eye’m in trouble can this marriage be saved why should it be of course it should be it’s a sacred institution marriage fuck all eye want to do eye want to move to a cave in joshua tree roll the boulder in front third day eye’ll arise from the dead ascend into my baby’s arms stepping out with my baby can’t be so bad when it feels so good doc marcie she greets us at the door eye’m shaking in my boots okay my nikes doc marcie she must’ve thrown them crystals up the chimney she kicks our ass drills us with a diamond tipped bit ain’t no local ain’t no general ain’t no corporal she has us both crying

it’s hard work

don’t have to be mean work don’t have to be mean don’t have to be mean you hurt me eye hurt you tit tat frick frack bada bing bada bang she screams eye scream we both scream same time never happened before it can be easy there can be peace in the valley

that’s a lot of responsibility that’s almost a burden

cards on a friday night home is where the heart is

throckmorton he says leaning over to grab the cards scattered about the table it’s his deck to make throckmorton says he says now if we begin if we all begin to judge too harshly then hell pretty soon nobody gets to come nobody gets to play

panama jack he says getting up from his chair slapping his cards to the table face down getting up slapping his cards to the table walking over to pour himself a short scotch panama jack he says i hate these goddamn motherfucking middle cards the fucking game is high low it ain’t who has the best motherfucking middle cards

it’s hard work peace in the valley meat and beat and all that

Yeah Well

they killed saddam and eye don’t give a shit

they fucking put a rope around his neck wild fucking west put him on a horse tied his hands behind his back slapped that horse right on the ass no wait hang on yeah they threw a rope around a big old magnolia limb hauled his brown ass up by the throat tarred the evil cocksucker caught him on fire burn sand nigger burn watched him dangle shake shiver no wait hang on yeah they tied his hands behind his back tied big old long rope around his feet the other end to the bumper one of them toyota four by fours haul ass across the scrub slung his scrawny ass sliding atop natural sandpaper shredding skin to meat no wait hang on ah fuck eye don’t care eye don’t give a flying fuck

they fucking put a rope around his neck wild fucking west eye think they talked about his momma eye think they talked about his wife his kids eye think they talked about his flaccid dick eye think they talked about the flatulent fearful smell drifting from his pants eye think they spit on him taunted him told him he was going to hell he was an evil evil man he was going to hell what the fuck what the hell what the fuck were we thinking

they killed saddam and eye don’t give a fuck

we sent our army all the way over across the water hey these boys are special not only are they you ess soldiers they are volunteers they love their country so much they went down to the local recruiting station army navy air force marine coast fucking guard whatever they went down on their own signed that piece of paper put on the uniform picked up a gun they be fucking special

eye mean they could have just as easily went over to the local wall mart got themselves a good job yeah no benefits yeah can’t afford to pay rent eat drive this bomb that detroit sells sucks gas like my eleventh grade girlfriend deep and nonstop yeah ain’t no future after the christmas return season anyway eye mean they could have just as easily stayed at home got themselves a good job at wall mart nope not our boys not our boys in green tan whatever the fuck they wear

they be so down with cammo bay bee

nope not our boys they didn’t just settle for the good job no baby these boys these you ess army navy airforce marines coast fucking guard they went to eye rack under their own

voe lishun

ain’t that a beautiful thing ain’t life a lovely thing ain’t it ain’it me and my man pete and my man vee and my man jay cee and my man alpo and my man bondage and my man guido and my new man dug and his brother the hipster bondage he looked at the hipster an older hipster at that been a hipster all his life eye bet eye imagine even wore the fucking prerequisite black turtleneck black beret fucking frog hipster bondage he looked at hipster he said so when you go to your hipster party i want you to do me a favor i want you to find something out for me i want you to ask poll maybe is the better verb infinitive form mister hipster can you ask your other hipster friends playing in all their hipster games can you ask them

what is hip

and get back to me with the answer i am really rather curious of course the obvious follow up question just has to be stands to reason you must also ask them

what is not hip

i am just so curious thanks bondage yeah he just wanted to know innocent quest don’t you know five or six bourbons into the evening specs don’t you know specs in the alley it’s a drinking bar not much of a pick up bar not much of a cocktail lounge no specs yeah it’s just a plain old drinking bar it ain’t like johnson’s barbecue down off bayview you know where the sign just says

don’t need no teeth to eat my meat

it an’t like johnsons maybe belongs in the same genus or something genetically similar spec’s it’s just a plain old drinking bar hadn’t been there in a while my man pete he says the other day we got to go out during the holidays you know just kind of blow one out eye say yeah they fucking hung the guy

they went and sent our boys girls in uniform all the over to coo wait bunches and bunches of ‘em put ‘em on ships put ‘em in tanks put ‘em in hummers put ‘em in jeeps and donkey carts and little red wagons and big wheels someone said go they bombed the shit out of everything our boys girls in uniforms they stormed all over creation went into bagged dad fucked ‘em up good ran their president into a hole dragged him out of the hole took pictures of him looking like he’d been in a hole put him in a jail cell put a rope round his neck hung his evil self

goddamn eye feel the righteous glow of justice goddamn it feel good and well just plain old

righteous

only way to describe it guido got hit by a cab not the other night the other night he didn’t get hit by a cab but about a year or so ago guido got hit by a cab threw him up and over and onto an examiner newspaper box he guido he had been drinking with jay cee at specs in the alley funny because eye’m hearing this story for the first time ever me jay cee vee pete we’re out in the alley smoking hand rolled cigarettes

bally shag baby

jay cee telling the story he’s three four pints of anchor steam into the night jay cee he says one moment we’re sitting at the bar having a pint the next i look up and gueeds is gone i walk up the sidewalk looking for him all i see is blood all over this examiner box but i don’t see no guido i don’t see no ambulance i don’t see no policemen nothing i see guido the next morning at the club going for a swim notice a big old lump coming out of guido’s speedo i say guido what the fuck

we fucking went over to another country we dragged their president into the streets and we killed him that’s what we did goddamn eye feel righteous eye feel so righteous eye just got to

howl

i saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness starving hysterical naked dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix

doctor at the club she come over she sees the lump in the speedo she just yanks them down guido has a fucking tampon sticking out of a huge fucking wound on his callipygian cleft she says where the fuck you going guido he says i’m fucking going swimming she says not like that had him bend over the bar she sewed his ass up right then and there guido got his swim in turns out guido fell on that examiner box

right on the corner

punctured a fucking hole in his butt cheek bled like a stuck pig all over the place he hopped onto bart went home to walnut fucking creek looked into his medicine cabinet only thing he could find were a couple of tampons an old girlfriend had left behind he plugged up the hole went to bed simple as that guido he’s standing there with us in the alley by now he says hey

didn’t have health insurance

what the fuck i’m gonna do what the fuck we all gonna do we went fucking sent our boys in green over to eye rack said fuck ‘em up good while you’re at it grab that fucking saddam let’s hang the cocksucker let’s drive right up kill ‘em all fucking sand niggers

jay cee bondage they each got divorce separation stories jay cee he says don’t go in front of a judge they’re all fucking lesbians bondage he says aw man it’s fucked up i haven’t had sex in six years me eye nodded eye tried to tell them eye ain’t married to their crazy wives eye may have my own crazy wife but she ain’t anywhere near as crazy as their crazy wives eye mean eye’m still crazy about my crazy wife they fucking hate their crazy wives that’s for one thing the other thing they’re both kind of crazy themselves eye mean look at ‘em what the fuck’s up with that them giving advice fuck

eye love them anyway hell eye might even have sex with jay cee he’s kind of cute might even give him a reach around while eye’m fucking him in the ass hell eye love them anyway they only tell me shit because they love me and because

they got crazy wives

eye just drank more port cheap fucking port the kind of port where you wake up the next morning feeling like you been licking thousands of stinky smelly portoguese feet all through the night eye smoked a cigarette and a bowl for every glass of port eye drank eye wonder if they let saddam have a joint a drink a cigarette before they put a fucking rope around his neck hung his brown aa rabbit ass eye mean hell

saddam he was an evil man

gassed all them people killed all them people fucked them up ends justifies the means saddam he was an evil man we had to kill him even if we had to kill six hundred thousand poor unfortunate cocksuckers to get to him

goddamn eye do indeed feel righteous

some drunk walked up to us lit a joint said he was the god son of key kesey wrote a screenplay for a movie kesey was going to star in the movie eye asked eye said so isn’t kesey dead the drunk eye guess he’s about my age the drunk he says yeah that’s why we can’t make the movie now young dude decked out in cal ware hat jersey wristbands cal bears go he runs up stumbles up really ducks behind us looks over pete’s shoulder pete he goes so young dude you running from the police young dude he says

no man just my cabbie

didn’t want to pay my fare only had enough money to either buy a couple of beers or pay my cab fare eye elected to give my money to specs we all nodded and murmured approval of a very wise decision made by someone so young twas truly a miraculous thing eye gave him my tobacco pouch he wanted to roll a cigarette said dude i’m so good at rolling these things he fucked up the first four until eye took it back rolled him one lit it for him

pete and eye left walked down through china town after midnight place was kind of deserted the sidewalks empty only hours earlier they had been teeming with people animals in cages dead fish pig parts vegetables and lots of cheap expensive jade jewelry twelve year old girls all of whom had had visits from the foot binder we walked down through the stockton tunnel up onto union square sat beneath the big christmas tree gazed at the all the store lights macy’s saks the saint francis nike levi’s coach eye’ll take one of each we sat on a bench rolled a cigarette smoked a couple of bowls talked about nothing talked about shit

we didn’t talk about saddam at all we didn’t say one fucking word about saddam we didn’t give a shit about saddam we didn’t give a fuck about saddam

saddam was an evil man eye don’t give a shit

president bush george dubya bush he mourned the death of the three thousandth you ess soldier in eye rack the white house said on sunday but cautioned war weary americans that no quick end was in sight to the fight against terrorism

saddam was an evil man and eye don’t give a shit

the president believes that every life is precious and grieves for each one that is lost said white house spokesman scott stanzel he will ensure their sacrifice was not made in vain by the way eye looked it up in vain in the american heritage dictionary eye looked up in vain it means

without success

our boys their sacrifice was not made without success saddam was an evil man and eye don’t give a shit eye don’t give a fuck me and pete we walked up geary street up through the upper edge of the tenderloin walked past the pine crest restaurant serves up a mean bacon and eggs walked past the clift hotel got rooms made for fine fucking walked past some dive bars walked past some people sitting up against the building walls walked past a couple of crack hookers walked past corner store selling cigars eye caught a cab at van ness driven by the crazy african fucker he didn’t drive in vain pete he walked home through the castro he’s tough that way built for endurance me eye was drunk

cheap port bally shag evil surrounds us happy new year and all that

Merry Fucking Christmas

yeah it’s christmas

they be running wild people here people there they be running wild in the streets they got guns they got tanks they got crazy ideas about god jesus mohammad the second third fourth coming eye can’t keep count four horsemen giddyup motherfucker take all these souls take us all pitiful pathetic souls that we aspire to be

one day baby don’t you know
we all just gotta get up and go
hey jesus please let me be
james brown he died at seventy three

they be running wild four more americans that’s all we care about anyway four more americans soldiers all four more died in eye rack today merry fucking christmas exmas whatever the fuck whips your cream baby let’s take the christ out of christmas let’s keep going let’s take the christ out of the church let’s take the fucking christ from george dubya’s lips from here on out he ain’t allowed to utter the word

jesus

four more americans died today merry fucking christmas four more died while president el presidente fearless leader dubya he spent christmas eve calling some of the you ess troops our boys and girls in uniform

not my fucking boy not my fucking girl

ain’t never going to see my babies in a uniform last night walking out of the movie me one and only favorite oldest child one and only favorite daughter eye say walking out of the movie eye put my arm around them both eye kiss them both on the forehead eye have to stretch up just a bit now to touch my lips to son

when did he get taller than me

love them both goddamn eye do eye say to them ain’t no flag worth dying for ain’t no flag worth killing for ain’t no god worth dying for ain’t no god worth killing for look me in the eye tell me you believe me eye mean eye understand

one day baby don’t you know
we all just gotta get up and go
hey jesus please let me be
james brown he died at seventy three

yeah fearless leader he spent the eve calling our boys and girls in uniform eye wonder wonder wonder who wrote the book of love who got the call who were the lucky dozen a lottery perhaps a bone to the good republican judge from east buttfuck pennsylvania dubya he made the calls god bless his soul the you ess military they say three of the four died in bagged dad when a roadside bomb detonated

debt oh nate ed

while a fourth yes that’s the fourth of four for those in my studio audience who are playing along this poor fucker died in an explosion east of the eye racky capital with their deaths drum roll please with their deaths the envelope please with their deaths we got a total of two thousand nine hundred sixty and nine you ess troops been killed since the war began in early march two thousand three

did eye ever tell you the war started on my birthday

happy fucking birthday to me merry fucking christmas to you we approaching three thousand guess that ain’t so bad how many got killed by katrina fuckups how many got killed starving to death in appalachia how many got killed in prison sucking dick

how many times will my mother die of breast cancer

one day baby don’t you know
we all just gotta get up and go
hey jesus please let me be
james brown he died at seventy three

what the hell eye’m done with this fucking war eye don’t give a shit eye don’t give a fuck eye’m going home to san francisco eye’m going nostalgic eye click on a little stevie forbert eye wax romantic eye go retro

meet me in the middle of the day
let me hear you say everything’s okay
bring me southern kisses from your room

eye don’t give a fuck about my reputation merry fucking christmas eye don’t give a fuck eye don’t give a shit ethiopian christian war planes bomb somali islamist terrorist insurgent rebel militia forces hoodlum motherfuckers ghetto fucking aff freakin’s let ‘em fucking kill each other fucking niggers who the fuck cares about them well maybe we like them nigerian cocksuckers they not only got black skin they got black gold they be all right merry fucking christmas yeah before they just had a few hundred millie tarry advisors now it’s oh fucking ficial it’s fucking war on

christmas day christmas eve

went by trader joe’s in laurel heights holiday food shopping don’t you know it’s christmas hey it’s exmas aye jesus we knew you so well yeah let’s go ahead and take the christ out of christmas eye mean what the fuck it’s obvious they’ve taken the christ out of the church jesus jesus we knew ye so well what happened to you what the fuck happened to you eye guess it’s just too much sometimes the burden fuck this burden

eye know believe me eye know

trader joe’s in laurel heights pushing my cart around eye got a list eye’m checking it twice there she is she comes walking down the aisle she be so hot she be a walking stick of dynamite die no mite eye stop in my tracks sometimes jesus he gives back for all the shit sometimes jesus he tosses us a crumb or two just gotta open them old eyes

don’t you know she’s russian aw man don’t look at me that way c’mon eye know before eye hear her talking on her cell phone here we are in laurel heights lily white granola crowd shopping at trader joe’s oh don’t you just love their wine selection yes check out my extra large recycled plastic bottle of doctor bronner’s magical peppermint soap oh those etonic’s are just so cute on you don’t you just love this fleece jacket not this woman not my russian goddess walking down the aisle basket on arm extending to black gloved hand

red shiny vinyl

coat sliding all the way down below her knees down to her lovely calves so carefully wrapped in sheer black stockings sheer but for two not one bold black bars shooting straight down from beneath the coat to the black knock me down fuck me quick shoes pointed toes

just in case she needs to kick me while eye’m down

eye know believe me eye know

her hat a la early to mid sixties audrey hepburn yeah audrey’s been on my mind lately funny how that is funny how that happens she’s been there a while hat red vinyl must have come with the coat an ensemble perhaps an outfit she be so sexy wonder what’s beneath eye trust my imagination baby you can too she be so sexy wild blond hair diamonds eye mean die mondes baby that authoritative dominatrix look telling me sneering at me

fuck me right or i will kill you

one day baby don’t you know
we all just gotta get up and go
hey jesus please let me be
james brown he died at seventy three

later sitting outside of café lo cubano sipping my cortadito ain’t eye hip ain’t eye cool reading my san francisco weekly trying to be radical chic don’t you know in that way that che guevera is among the white college kids private college what the fuck do they know about it what the fuck do eye know about it

eye ain’t never been shot at not with a real gun

what the fuck do we know about it when did we last go hungry when did we last dodge bullets when did we have to worry about getting buttfucked in prison fuck we have life issues we have personal crises we have to find our fucking selves we may even travel to vietnam pedal bicycles among the rice paddies coo softly even jealously over the simplicity of the peasant shall we call it lifestyle if all we had to worry about was getting up in the morning just making sure no weeds grew amongst between the tender rice shoots who needs love who needs romance when you gotta get up worry about the carpenter ants boll weevils rice grubs whatever the fuck fucks with the whole rice trip if we could only simplify simplify simplify be born grow up find someone to marry mate and fuck tend my rice raise the kids grow old then fucking die maybe give an offering to the local monk before eye go

one day baby don’t you know
we all just gotta get up and go
hey jesus please let me be
james brown he died at seventy three

give an offering to the local monk and his temple hey what’s so bad about that simplify simplify semper fi motherfucker oh my me oh my our life is so fucking troubled complicated complex chaotic

eye might just go to thailand live among the common folk work with the elephants

eye hear that they teach them to paint and play the bugle how about that cute woman eye’m back at café lo cubano now cute woman eye’m gonna say irish woman cute eye rish woman fair skinned bet she has sexy freckles in all the right places she be mid thirties there are two tables out front at cubano two tables on either side of the front door eye’m stage left she the cute irish woman she sits stage right with a woman who must be her mother later stage dorian grey the woman the young eye rish woman she reaches across the table touches mom’s hands lightly eye am reading my weekly reader it be mayor bashing it be chris daly bashing it be pee gee and ee bashing it be a left wing weekly after all and eye’m obligated to read them

eye’m white hip and enlightened

sympathetic to the cause of the downtrodden fuck the man stick it to the man she the cute irish lass she reaches across touches mom’s hands lightly she speaks slowly softly builds steam strolls her words until she stampedes them

men don’t understand her

she hasn’t had a decent relationship lasting more than two three four months since she don’t know when in such a long time oh mother what is wrong with me what’s wrong with her life eye mean this past summer she met this guy early summer he just didn’t get her he just couldn’t get her she says now holding mom’s hands she says i tried to tell him who i am i just tried to be honest i laid it all out there i did i told him everything i needed in a man i figured i thought hey i might as well let him know up front

momma she coos softly says baby baby i know i know

peeking over my weekly reader late afternoon san francisco december post solstice sun going down street lights starting to come on not too cold kind of nice out a kind crispness in the air eye’m thinking my did eye say it aloud eye’m thinking fuck fuck whatever happened to

mystery

hold something back baby keep it in the closet let it be good let it be deep let it be good and deep because

one day baby don’t you know
we all just gotta get up and go
hey jesus please let me be
james brown he died at seventy three

merry fucking christmas girlie girl six hundred thousand cocksuckers die in the desert me you sitting here in laurel village here on california street on christmas eve me you sitting here eye be so fucking radical hipster chic you be such the romantic

victim of love

love them both love them all goddamn eye do eye say to them ain’t no flag worth dying for ain’t no flag worth killing for ain’t no god worth dying for ain’t no god worth killing for look me in the eye tell me you believe me eye mean eye understand

one day baby don’t you know
we all just gotta get up and go
hey jesus please let me be
james brown he died at seventy three

four more americans died today merry fucking christmas and all that

Storybook Moment

story book moment eye can still see them sometimes yeah sometimes eye can

young they she he walks across the plaza that is across the plaza that is union square christmas lights nay seasonal lights glowing brightly oh so dancing merrily in the crisp san Francisco evening the tree is lit people mill about shoppers tourists maybe a few of us locals hardly a one of us natives

young they she he walks across the plaza she walks down the steps from post street she wearing a smart black dress too innocent for the audrey hepburn look innocent in that young not yet sophisticated sort of way maybe in from the east bay concord walnut creek not quite an orinda dress needs another zero on the price tag she does have that classic walk down though stepping down the steps balanced in high heels arms crossed holding her purse across her breasts head bowed gently looking down stepping one sleek high heel at a time all we needed was a bit of a breeze to cast her hair behind floating on the spirits sailing past her they come together beneath the massive tree

they smile they kiss

the kiss it lingers his hand slides up to her waist barely touching her waist hovering near her waist their lips wander slowly sensuously apart to the face the cheek the forehead the nose to the lips and again casually not carelessly she has to reach up oh so slightly up onto her toes her high heeled toes her calves tighten taffy pull beneath dark nylon shadows they whisper let me dance for you

they kiss they smile

he takes her hand she spins open arms spread wide gloriously wide head back face beaming upwards challenging the glow of the season marlo thomas that girl she only lacks the hat eye smile on the inside then eye smile on the outside eye love to see the love eye think that once you’ve been in love you’re always in love don’t you eye think the more you love the more you can love the more you need to love don’t you eye think that eye love you and eye love you and eye love you and eye love you don’t you

they kiss they smile

eye think love is a very funny fucked up thing don’t you eye think love deserves the nice lights dark fringes of evening eye think love needs all these people strolling along ones twos threes some arm in arm some talking some laughing some yeah crying eye think love wants it all don’t you

story book moment eye can still see them sometimes yeah sometimes eye can

cab sliding down geary street outside the abbey tavern two couples young couples come stumbling out of the abbey grungish young laughing joking tripping over each other catching each other holding hands waists arms around shoulders everyone kissing everyone wiggle giggle shake shake they be so fucking cute eye just want to put them on a stick and lick them all over cab sliding down geary street three young ladies three girls backseat of the cab window down somehow all three lean out the window waving at the two stumbling couples who give the surprise hey howya right backatcha wiggle giggle shake shake three girls backseat of the cab they howl laughing hyena howl screaming laugh a love laugh eye laugh sitting in my car at the light a little dave bromberg telling the judge judge help me judge send me to the lectric chair eye laugh

don’t you know once you’ve been in love you never stop loving don’t you know the more you love the more you can love don’t you know the more you love the more you need to love don’t you know that eye love you and eye love you and eye love you and eye love you don’t you know they dance my lovely group from the abbey they dance they sing they hug they kiss on the street corner declaring their love for each other for the corner for the street for the neighborhood eye mean why not

story book moment eye can still see them sometimes yeah sometimes eye can

sitting at the bar at the clift bar dazzling couple she blond he dark short hair cut both in their forties their cool forties she sits on a stool facing him the bar is crowded they don’t notice she got that little black dress on so dark against her pale skin he has on that dark dark suit light blue shirt crisp like the night no tie she unbuttons a couple of the top buttons slide her hand along the bare skin of his chest he leans over he whispers something into her ear eye can’t hear if it were me eye’d be saying

eye adore you eye love you eye crave you

but eye don’t know eye can’t hear he whispers something into her ear she smiles sighs grins he leans over to whisper again his hand slides between her thighs oh they part just so do they part beneath the darkness of the dress disappears a sharp breath her lips to his neck throat eye think once you’re in love you’re never not in love don’t you eye think once you love you just gotta love more and more don’t you

eye think love is a funny fucked up thing don’t you

story book moments seeing is believing and all that

Affirmation of Faith

i believe i believe i do believe yes i do

i believe in god the father almighty the creator of heaven and earth and in jesus christ his only son our lord credo in deum patrem omnipotentem creatorem coeli et terrae et in jesum christum filium ejus unicum dominum nostrum

dig

i believe in the father the son the holy ghost i believe in purple haze blotter acid peyote mushrooms and elle esse dee created by the hand of man himself i believe in moses mohammad buddha vishnu i believe in the blessings of her sacred goodness the kind green bud kay gee bee i believe in the power of love i believe in family i believe in the ultimate goodness in mankind i believe that

evil exists

in all of us

i believe in the holy act of fucking i believe grabbing a handful of hair of the willing and bringing her down onto my phallic being for sacred consumption i believe in the holy act of wiping my ass i believe in jacking off with wondrous abandon i believe in picking belly button lint out of my fucking belly button while i contemplate world peace while i contemplate when i might next jack off yet again i believe in coughing up a big loogie spitting it into the gutter and continuing on my way i believe that

love lasts

until you don't want it to last anymore and then it

lingers

come on baby move closer to me look into my eyes tell me what you believe

tell me how you feel tell me tell me i believe that i don't do enough to end the misery that permeates the world i believe that i eat more than my fair share i believe that i don't recycle enough i believe that i drive my car too much i believe that i maybe i shouldn't wear leather maybe i shouldn't eat meat i believe that i shouldn't have used chlorine in my hot tub i believe that i could have given the fucker on the corner a dollar without blinking an eye i believe i believe as edmund burke said that all that is necessary for evil to succeed is for good men to do

nothing

and i fucking believe in nothing i believe in everything i believe in my being confused about what to believe

my momma she taught me one thing my daddy he taught me another thing my cousins they taught me some things that haunt me to this day the church of my youth hell we went through so many young idealistic preachers i kind of forget what they taught me one of them let me listen to jesus christ superstar on his hi fi when he had some of us methodist youth fellows over for dinner one of them the young idealistic preachers one of them ranted against nixon in nineteen and seventy-two the autumn of that year to be precise said that nixon was evil and all who voted for him was evil he wasn't our preacher in nineteen and seventy-three i grew to believe that the church elders didn't really believe what

they told me

to believe and now many years later people who believed what the elders said but didn't believe i believe that they no longer believe but they are now the church elders not believing what they tell their youth

my teachers they taught me to believe in the flag and all that she represents i pledge allegiance to this fucking piece of cloth sewn by some old white woman for which it stands one fucking nation of crazy fucking people who could give a flying fuck about anyone else liberty and justice for everyone except those that don't fucking deserve it hey woman whip me up some broad cloth make it kind of colorful whip me up something that i can wave around something that the boys will lay down and die for

my teachers taught me

to believe in the innate goodness of these united states of america they taught me to believe that once old king george was not a jolly old soul not a jolly old soul was he and all of the fucking limey redcoat motherfuckers were evil incarnate but later through the triumph of redemption and the miracle of forgetting the past these chaps they ain't so bad now i mean they are white and speak english well most of them do

i believe the wiccan rede bide the witch's law ye must in perfect love in perfect trust eight words the wiccan rede fulfill and ye harm none do what ye will what ye send forth comes back to thee so ever mind the rule of three yeah yeah when oh when will the werewolves of london be smote with the

silver bullet

or three when oh when will the devils of new york be brought before god to testify when will they be dragged through the streets down broadway and up the effe dee are behind the chariot of apollo

close your eyes and count to three

one

two

three

when will she bring me up on charges of not giving a shit when will she drive the nails through my palms my ankles my hips when will that goddamn bitch go ahead and get it over with when will this cunt of a goddess stop squatting over us all pissing her beliefs pissing all over my beliefs

i know i know i know it's all in god's plan who was conceived of the holy spirit born of the virgin mary suffered under pontius pilate was crucified died and was buried and

then the sun went away and the dogwood tree became what we know it to be today and lightening struck and it struck and it struck and it struck goddamn it still strikes today the lightening struck when the europeans fucked up the new world when the europeans fucked up africa when turks slaughtered the armenians when the germans and the brits and the french kicked the shit out of each other when the japanese slaughtered the chinese when the germans slaughtered the jews the gays the gypsies when the americans dropped fire on the germans when they dropped hell itself on the japanese when the jews ran the arabs out of jerusalem when the chinese fucked up the koreans when the chinese fucked up the tibetans when the americans helped the cambodians fuck themselves up when the world stood by and watched the bosnians rwandans pick one pick any of them watched them fuck themselves up when the arabs fucked their women up when they continue to fuck themselves up when the americans fucked up central america when the russians fucked the chechens and everybody else they met oh yes it do

lightening strikes

all around us while we play our respective fiddles play that funky fiddle white boy yellow boy brown boy black boy don't make me cry and get all rodney king on you poor fucks but i believe i believe i believe that surely somehow

why can't we just all get along

all in god's plan he descended into hell the third day he arose again from the dead he ascended into heaven he sits at the right hand of god the father almighty

whence he shall come to judge the living and the dead

yeah i believe i believe that i will be judged i will be judged but not by you motherfucker i will not find twelve men who will be my peers i will not find twelve angry jurors that will hesitate to place my sorry neck into the noose i will not

believe in the holy spirit the holy catholic church the communion of saints the forgiveness of sins the resurrection of the body and life everlasting i will not no i will not believe in anything except the bloodied bodies that i see on the television screen i will believe in anything that larry king says is righteous i will believe in oprah and her orphans i will believe that anna nicole smith has righteous drunken tits that deserve not my lips but my teeth i will believe that the only desperate housewife is the one who has not tasted my cock i will believe anything that charles kuralt tells me about the holy down home sanctity of homespun americana

i believe i believe oh lawdy i do believe i do

well shit amen

affirmation of faith and all that

Travelogue

ah london yeah i know i wasn't supposed to be here but got royally fucked by united was stuck in chicago missed my flight to amsterdam missed my flight to frankfurt booked on a flight to london yeah go figure deja vu all over again getting into amsterdam twelve hours later than originally scheduled i've tried to be a nice guy to all the united people here and they are really nice which makes it all the more frustrating oh kay you lady yeah you were a fucking twat perhaps it was my obvious irritability i was am remain a target just push my button baby i mean but it would be so much easier if they were assholes here then i could just let loose on a tirade you know a little catharsis but, noooooo they have to be all nice and apologetic and offering up of gifts and pleasantries they should hire people that they know are short termers just so people like me can just let loose on them maybe import prisoners from the local county lock up don't you know not any of those violent offenders maybe random litterers and moving traffic violators even drunk drivers you know so we troubled fliers could just go postal verbally of course get it all out of our system so we are calm and rested when we get on the plane stella says i should be more zen about it just go with the flow better for my chi she's probably right but where's the fun in serenity so yeah flew through chicago supposed to connect to amsterdam missed that changed to frankfurt missed that ended up here at heathrow maybe maybe i'll get to amsterdam in the next few hours oh what the fuck i'm sitting in the business class lounge having already been through a security check in san francisco where the supposed two hours before my flight ended up taking only fifteen minutes from point of joshua letting me off at the curb to getting to the red carpet club through a security check in chicago because we were coming to london and now already two security checks here in london with one more to go not to mention passport control in amsterdam which is usually a breeze bordering on a joke unfortunately no one has asked to slide their hands or parts thereof into any of my body cavities although there was this cutie in chicago for whom i just might oh kay absolutely would have at even the slightest hint the smallest of suggestions have bent over the table alas it was not to be i remain a security check body cavity check virgin ah now where should i put this hashish shall i dare use this place where lightening has yet to strike where fingers have yet to probe what is it about the british and their dental issues i predict with the current state of you ess health care us americans will have this gap toothed resemblance to our british brethren that is if we survive the bush er cheney dynasty goddamn it's depressing is it not we suffer from global bin ladenism there is no difference i can't tell apart bin laden bush cheney hezbollah or as they say here hizbollah hamas the nut in iran the nut in korea the nuts in dee cee assad in syria the entire fucking israeli cabinet the spirit of sharon arises from his vegetable state i mean fuck the chinese they live by the simple rule that there is money to be made when blood flows through the streets when blood flows there is money to be made the oil companies provide ample evidence to this maxim i hear that there is a new network of americans in canada these days leftover vietnam war draft evaders conscientious objectors quakers hippies whoever whatever helping you ess soldiers desert get the hell out of dodge the canadians don't know what to do with them yet they don't automatically send them send us back i think it my new duty to whisper suggest outright insist to every armed service member who happens to sit next to me on the plane on the bus at the cafe stand next to me in line at peets coffee hangs at the beach walks through the park suggest to each and every one of them that they should consider getting their asses off to canada hell i'll pay for the bus ticket c'mon soldier let's walk on down to greyhoud we'll get you some civvies we'll get you a hat we'll get you a tee shirt printed red with a maple leaf we'll knock out a couple of your front teeth you fucking hockey stud you i think it my duty get thee to a nunnery get thee to canada hey i got something nice to say about canadians go fucking figure maybe we can send a few deserters up there inject them with a little color a little excitement maybe the place wouldn't be so fucking boring and pasty white although i do admit the allure of a fine canadian coed callipygian cleft with perhaps just the smattering of a tan line left over from a wintery jaunt to cuba or shudder jeb's florida yes i do admit that this allure could be quite tempting i might have to join up and desert just so i can appeal to perhaps the granola version of said canadian coed as beck croons in the year of the chimpanzee i am a monkey i got your canadian monkey love all over and about yeah i think it would be great art to have a massive fucking train straddling the you ess canadian border you know an american fucking a canadian fucking an american fucking a canadian fucking an american and so forth all along the border from washington to maine the great lakes might be a challenge but we could get boats big barges we might need a lot of mattresses nothing worse than dropping trou for a little carnal pleasure only to have one's buttocks gnawed upon by black flies mosquitos chiggers leeches pissants meaningless politicians not to mention that a bed of pine straw can take one only so far don't you know remember chiggers goddamn goddamn my aunt louise she used to give us a jug of clorox and a sponge said dab it on only way to get rid of them chiggers yeah yeah but but what if said bloody chigger has embedded itself on the tip of one's cock dab a little clorox on old john henry tell me if it don't just make you want to jiggle wiggle and dance might as well push me off a rocky ledge yeah sitting here in the bee em eye lounge here at heathrow maybe it's the three hours of sleep maybe it's the persistent pain in my shoulder not to be confused with pain in my ass although this pain in the shoulder has become such a pain in the ass goodbye pluto hello xena and all that