Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Hole in the Bucket

Written October, 2006

she says yeah she says there is no reason there is no rhyme speak to me in rhymes i hold her hand i hold her attention her gaze her wonder i hold her heart i hold her hand i whisper she says what i murmur she says what i say roses red violets blue i worship your jesus on the morning dew penetrate my heart slide a shiv beneath my soul too many many lives apart plenty of years before we're old

i don't dream i tell doctor bill i don't dream he says in his chair finger to side of head elbow on armrest legs crossed do they teach this pose in school he says why don't you dream i say how the fuck should i know he says doctor bill he says what do you want i say me i say rid me of my insanity he says no i won't do that i say then

i say

help me enjoy my insanity

he says

oh kay i'll try

sometimes i dream i sometimes dream of you sometimes you rhyme in my head she walks up to me with that come fuck me grin yeah i dig you more than crazy let itself in

me and yvonne car parked over on the side of the cracked concrete road cut cross the swamp me and yvonne out on the bridge out west of town out west of valdosta can't remember the name of the fucking place i could drive there today get in my car shit i could use a good long car ride cross country take a few weeks get lost in america get lost from my world slide between the cracks lose my way

disappear

into the heart of darkness that is these here you knighted states of america drive down to valdosta out eighty four on the way to quitman hang a left out by the big white church follow this road on along take a right the second concrete road follow it on back on back if you hang a left at that dirt road take you down to the sand flats banks along the river winds through ferns and pines and white quartz sand black river keep going along the concrete road get up to this bridge

me and yvonne we hang on the bridge

yeah but first yeah but way back when i was younger many many years before i wake up it's midnight maybe later moonlight porchlight glows on my curtains most every night especially in the summer hot humid nights ne'er a breeze disturbing the grasses sultry nights wake up i wake up can't breathe difficult to breathe slow to breathe can't breathe pray with me jesus let me breathe come on baby twist that tie while you ride my cock ride my cock ride my cock take that tie twist it round my throat pull it tight ride my cock let it slide let it ride

i wake up many years ago i wake up many years before can't breathe no darlin’ i can’t breathe momma comes in always momma she comes in i'm wheezing she whispers hey it's oh kay hey it's oh kay she sits me up she slides sickly sweet syrup yellow thick yellow yuck fuck choke she rubs my back she slides her nails along my back lightly hey it's oh kay i calm down slowly slowly i breathe i lay down momma she sits by my side

hey it's oh kay

me and yvonne we hang on the bridge she sits up on the strangely ornate concrete columned bridge rail i stand next to her looking up at her wildness hair smile eyes she smokes i light a joint we trade cigarette and joint cigarette and joint me and yvonne she points over at the shell of what once must have been a grand building grand in that old country genteel sort of way i stand next to her

looking up at her wildness

yvonne she wears a sun dress that magnifies her smallness glorifies her beauty in the sun that south georgia late summer dusky sun light bathing the cypress all around bouncing pinks oranges off the spanish moss yvonne she points at the building says yvonne says used to be a resort

way back when

thirties forties fuck i don't know when there was this spring there yeah there see that big ol' hole used to be a big spring people'd come here from all over hang at this resort owners got greedy thought if the spring were bigger more people would come they stuck a stick of dynamite blew the fuck out of it didn't make it bigger they shut it down fuckers went out of business then it burned down that's what's left

baby don't let me get greedy i'm going to slide in a stick of dynamite goddamn you do make me go boom doctor bill i say doctor bill

i don't dream

he says tell me why you don't dream doctor bill i say doctor bill

i don't dream

my momma she say hey it's oh kay it's all right i whisper thank you jesus thank you momma now i lay me down to sleep something about that medicine makes me buzz all over buzz buzz thick yellow syrup i'm so tired so tired all this not breathing tires me out this medicine though it buzzes me mixes with exhaustion oh baby the dreams

tedrol dreams

goddamn these dreams doctor bill i don't dream he says why don't you dream i say hey doctor bill rid me my insanity he says no i say doctor bill let me enjoy my insanity he says you'll try

goddamn these dreams

tedrol dreams

i dream of yvonne in her sun dress in that late summer setting sun sky so serene sing to me jesus i dream of her before i know her i see you walk up to me come fuck me grin giggling at me goddamn come here i dream you before i ever know you how can that be now now now i don't dream seven eight nine years old i dream oh baby i do dream i dream of today tomorrow probably

tedrol dreams

is it possible could it be sweet jesus a man only gets so many dreams in his life i done dreamed all mine up doctor bill maybe i done dreamed all mine up my bucket be empty that bucket used to be full of all that pig slop lifeshit of pussy playing cunt swimming ego swirling cock twirling

come twirl with me yvonne

she sweeps her arm talks about confederate encampments and deaths in the swamp and ghosts yeah yvonne she can tell you about ghosts and love swirling between betwixt the spanish moss

spider webs

sawgrass cypress ferns cat tails pines cactus tales of debauchery out here in the backwoods tales of love lust insanity

lord help me enjoy my insanity

tales of puss 'n' boots tales of the plate and the spoon tales that begin with a come fuck me grin see eff em gee come fuck me grin she says yeah she says there is no reason there is no rhyme speak to me in rhymes hey diddle diddle the cat and the fiddle her wildness in the moon she gives her love to a lune she says yeah she says there is no reason there is no rhyme

yvonne i'm going to come find you i want to come find you tell you i should have told you i never told you i should have said yvonne i love you looking up at your wildness in the sky i should have said yvonne i love you i didn't i just smiled did you know anyway did you

i think i was nineteen fuck what did i know

remember do you remember i let you drive my barracuda down that dirty road down to the sand banks down along the banks of insanity i let you drive you barely could see over the steering wheel did doughnuts in the sand around the scrub pine swamp pine we laughed my we laughed i am so happy right this minute right this second along the banks of insanity we laughed oh we laughed you sure could drive remember do you remember i let you drive

i think i was nineteen you were eighteen fuck what did we know

you were so special to me i never told you how special you were to me yvonne i'm going to come find you tell you i should have told you looking up at your wildness in the sky let me sing to you let me sing to my past to my insanity let me say what i should have said

you stand on the rail i take your hand you balance of course you're wearing heels you always wear heels you are so fucking cute i hold your hand i hold your hand you walk along the rail up above the black river one dainty heeled foot bright red toenails i never licked your toes i never licked your toes

that is a sin

one foot in front of the other one after the other looking up at your wildness in the sky we laugh oh jesus we laugh yvonne where are you i'm going to come find you whisper to you hey yvonne murmur to you hey yvonne hey doctor bill i don't dream he says why don't you dream do you think yvonne do you think yvonne do you know i dream of you before i know you he says why don't you dream doctor bill i don't dream yvonne do you believe you think a man can have only so many dreams is there a hole in my dream bucket dear liza a hole in my dream bucket what i wouldn't give for a good

tedrol dream

tell me sing to me talk story of tomorrow just give me a hint give me a clue i'm nineteen you're eighteen fuck what do we know a hole dear liza a hole what i wouldn't give for one good

tedrol dream

i wish i had time to be exhausted

i never licked your toes and that is a sin walk above the river with me yvonne jesus walk on the water in a sun dress looking up at your wildness i never licked your toes and that is a sin bless me mother for i have sinned mother mary magdelene whore of my tortured soul i never licked your toes what the fuck did we know i wish i'd known

come fuck me grins black water souls exhausted tortured sins buckets with holes and all that