Sunday, January 7, 2007

Meat and Beat

throckmorton he says leaning over to grab the cards scattered about the table it’s his deck to make throckmorton says he says now if we begin if we all begin to judge too harshly then hell pretty soon nobody gets to come nobody gets to play

panama jack he says getting up from his chair slapping his cards to the table face down getting up slapping his cards to the table walking over to pour himself a short scotch panama jack he says i hate these goddamn motherfucking middle cards the fucking game is high low it ain’t who has the best motherfucking middle cards

sitting on the bus earlier in the day sitting on the muni bus the number five fulton heading toward downtown eye’m sitting on one of those hard plastic seats with one of my all time best friends in the whole wide world who eye just met thirty forty five seconds earlier little old filipino woman sitting on the inside part of the bench against the window old wrinkled saks bag sitting on her lap don’t think the insides of that bag came from saks she nibbles on a lumpia wrapped in aluminum foil whiffs of steam sliding to her nostrils the slight whiffs of cabbage sliding to mine

a couple sits across the aisle young couple sits across the aisle one row up young man young woman twenty something he against the window she on the aisle she leans toward him he leans toward the window eye think he wishes he could jump out she says to him no doubt that it’s to him she says to him the only reason i’m here the only reason i’m in this town this place this city by the bay the only reason i’m here is

you

you’re the only thing holding me here without you i’d go home it’s just easier there easy like sunday morning that’s why i’m easy eye’m thinking lumpia going to my brain smoking a big phat lumpia eye’m thinking yeah she’s easy eye’m looking for easy shit eye’m just looking for a little fucking

peace in the valley

there will be peace in the valley for me some day there will be peace in the valley for me oh lord i pray she be so mean eye know eye know eye be so bad eye be a bad bad man but she be so mean she can’t help herself she got to hurt me she got to take that shard of glass slide it across my throat she can’t help herself she just got to she got to hurt me then eye got to hurt her then she got to hurt me pretty soon we she her eye me we don’t even fucking know why when where all we know all we got left all we know to do is fuck each other up lemme lemme fuck you up lemme lemme fuck you up she leans into him on the muni bus

she leans in

she puts her finger to his chest she says my whole life my entire life my whole life

fuck

on the elevator in one of the kaiser medical buildings on divisadero she cries eye don’t know why she cries she stands on the other side of the elevator eye stay on my side eye don’t even know how we decided who owned what side but somehow we had worked all that out she stands in the back of the elevator on her side tears drift lazily down her cheeks two salty trails one broad super highway the other a single path foot trail along the edge of the canyon eye want to ask her eye want to say

hey what’s wrong

but eye don’t and eye wonder why eye feel like letting my freak flag fly eye feel like eye owe it to

someone

hey what’s wrong eye get off on three she goes on up maybe all the way to heaven line broke monkey got choked they went to heaven on a little row boat eye got off on three stand in line hand them my card is this what it feels like in russia ten dollars she doesn’t look up she looks only at the computer the glow from the screen illuminates her face she takes my card takes my ten dollars doesn’t look up touches my hand says ooooh says ooooh your hand so cold eye say it’s a bit chilly out she says why don’t you wear gloves

eye have no answer to that

eye shrug she points to the waiting room eye go and wait seems eye do that oh so well last night eye sat at the table eye sat eye waited don’t you know the good cards they just kept showing up three queens won me a lot of money on two different occasions the sandman he said something witty he nudged me he said don’t forget to include you know i represent eye said yeah no problem he said write it down write it down in that little moleskine you got in your back pocket eye said baby eye got it eye got it eye got it hey man eye’m sorry

eye forgot it

eye’m going to use the too stoned defense eye mean eye mean hell it’s half your fault how many times did you say did you utter the words how many times did you say let’s smoke more weed and guiseppe hell he kept stuffing that bowl with hashish

third floor leave her behind in the elevator she’s going up going going up eye’m getting my eyeballs examined need to have my head examined fuck eye need to check in eye need to head up to napa put on one of those cute little pair of pee jays shuffle down the hallway drool cup half full half empty who the fuck knows need to have my head examined check into the cuckoos nest

she says she says oh baby you don’t need napa you just need a little whispering pines eye didn’t know eye only thought this only happened in fairy tales then eye saw her face now eye’m a believer eye scream she scream we all scream for ice cream both at the same time

parking lot love the squeal of tires in the parking lot don’t let the door hit you where the good lord split you

she leans in she puts her finger to his chest she says my whole life my entire life my whole life

fuck

that’s a lot of responsibility that’s almost a burden

later in the afternoon climb the mountain in marin cross that golden gate drive up the one oh one left into san anselmo climb that hill scenic road they pull no punches in marin they leave nothing to chance in marin tell you like it is in marin eye’m fretting we’re hunting another doctor trying to find that one trying to find that magic key

can this marriage be saved

eye’m fretting new doctor marin county worse san anselmo they are so unconnected in san anselmo maybe they smoke too much weed maybe they indulge themselves with too many crystals too much granoloa ask me it’s too much windham hill motherfuckers fucked up the world worse than the two bushes together windham hill and tantric sex like peanut butter and jelly eye’m fretting new doctor in marin eye’m thinking therapy thoughts fearful therapy thoughts oh please lord don’t be a crystal worshiping mantra humming earth goddess

we climb this mountain doc marcie greets us at the door with her dog java fuck eye’m in trouble can this marriage be saved why should it be of course it should be it’s a sacred institution marriage fuck all eye want to do eye want to move to a cave in joshua tree roll the boulder in front third day eye’ll arise from the dead ascend into my baby’s arms stepping out with my baby can’t be so bad when it feels so good doc marcie she greets us at the door eye’m shaking in my boots okay my nikes doc marcie she must’ve thrown them crystals up the chimney she kicks our ass drills us with a diamond tipped bit ain’t no local ain’t no general ain’t no corporal she has us both crying

it’s hard work

don’t have to be mean work don’t have to be mean don’t have to be mean you hurt me eye hurt you tit tat frick frack bada bing bada bang she screams eye scream we both scream same time never happened before it can be easy there can be peace in the valley

that’s a lot of responsibility that’s almost a burden

cards on a friday night home is where the heart is

throckmorton he says leaning over to grab the cards scattered about the table it’s his deck to make throckmorton says he says now if we begin if we all begin to judge too harshly then hell pretty soon nobody gets to come nobody gets to play

panama jack he says getting up from his chair slapping his cards to the table face down getting up slapping his cards to the table walking over to pour himself a short scotch panama jack he says i hate these goddamn motherfucking middle cards the fucking game is high low it ain’t who has the best motherfucking middle cards

it’s hard work peace in the valley meat and beat and all that

Thursday, January 4, 2007

Yeah Well

they killed saddam and eye don’t give a shit

they fucking put a rope around his neck wild fucking west put him on a horse tied his hands behind his back slapped that horse right on the ass no wait hang on yeah they threw a rope around a big old magnolia limb hauled his brown ass up by the throat tarred the evil cocksucker caught him on fire burn sand nigger burn watched him dangle shake shiver no wait hang on yeah they tied his hands behind his back tied big old long rope around his feet the other end to the bumper one of them toyota four by fours haul ass across the scrub slung his scrawny ass sliding atop natural sandpaper shredding skin to meat no wait hang on ah fuck eye don’t care eye don’t give a flying fuck

they fucking put a rope around his neck wild fucking west eye think they talked about his momma eye think they talked about his wife his kids eye think they talked about his flaccid dick eye think they talked about the flatulent fearful smell drifting from his pants eye think they spit on him taunted him told him he was going to hell he was an evil evil man he was going to hell what the fuck what the hell what the fuck were we thinking

they killed saddam and eye don’t give a fuck

we sent our army all the way over across the water hey these boys are special not only are they you ess soldiers they are volunteers they love their country so much they went down to the local recruiting station army navy air force marine coast fucking guard whatever they went down on their own signed that piece of paper put on the uniform picked up a gun they be fucking special

eye mean they could have just as easily went over to the local wall mart got themselves a good job yeah no benefits yeah can’t afford to pay rent eat drive this bomb that detroit sells sucks gas like my eleventh grade girlfriend deep and nonstop yeah ain’t no future after the christmas return season anyway eye mean they could have just as easily stayed at home got themselves a good job at wall mart nope not our boys not our boys in green tan whatever the fuck they wear

they be so down with cammo bay bee

nope not our boys they didn’t just settle for the good job no baby these boys these you ess army navy airforce marines coast fucking guard they went to eye rack under their own

voe lishun

ain’t that a beautiful thing ain’t life a lovely thing ain’t it ain’it me and my man pete and my man vee and my man jay cee and my man alpo and my man bondage and my man guido and my new man dug and his brother the hipster bondage he looked at the hipster an older hipster at that been a hipster all his life eye bet eye imagine even wore the fucking prerequisite black turtleneck black beret fucking frog hipster bondage he looked at hipster he said so when you go to your hipster party i want you to do me a favor i want you to find something out for me i want you to ask poll maybe is the better verb infinitive form mister hipster can you ask your other hipster friends playing in all their hipster games can you ask them

what is hip

and get back to me with the answer i am really rather curious of course the obvious follow up question just has to be stands to reason you must also ask them

what is not hip

i am just so curious thanks bondage yeah he just wanted to know innocent quest don’t you know five or six bourbons into the evening specs don’t you know specs in the alley it’s a drinking bar not much of a pick up bar not much of a cocktail lounge no specs yeah it’s just a plain old drinking bar it ain’t like johnson’s barbecue down off bayview you know where the sign just says

don’t need no teeth to eat my meat

it an’t like johnsons maybe belongs in the same genus or something genetically similar spec’s it’s just a plain old drinking bar hadn’t been there in a while my man pete he says the other day we got to go out during the holidays you know just kind of blow one out eye say yeah they fucking hung the guy

they went and sent our boys girls in uniform all the over to coo wait bunches and bunches of ‘em put ‘em on ships put ‘em in tanks put ‘em in hummers put ‘em in jeeps and donkey carts and little red wagons and big wheels someone said go they bombed the shit out of everything our boys girls in uniforms they stormed all over creation went into bagged dad fucked ‘em up good ran their president into a hole dragged him out of the hole took pictures of him looking like he’d been in a hole put him in a jail cell put a rope round his neck hung his evil self

goddamn eye feel the righteous glow of justice goddamn it feel good and well just plain old

righteous

only way to describe it guido got hit by a cab not the other night the other night he didn’t get hit by a cab but about a year or so ago guido got hit by a cab threw him up and over and onto an examiner newspaper box he guido he had been drinking with jay cee at specs in the alley funny because eye’m hearing this story for the first time ever me jay cee vee pete we’re out in the alley smoking hand rolled cigarettes

bally shag baby

jay cee telling the story he’s three four pints of anchor steam into the night jay cee he says one moment we’re sitting at the bar having a pint the next i look up and gueeds is gone i walk up the sidewalk looking for him all i see is blood all over this examiner box but i don’t see no guido i don’t see no ambulance i don’t see no policemen nothing i see guido the next morning at the club going for a swim notice a big old lump coming out of guido’s speedo i say guido what the fuck

we fucking went over to another country we dragged their president into the streets and we killed him that’s what we did goddamn eye feel righteous eye feel so righteous eye just got to

howl

i saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness starving hysterical naked dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix

doctor at the club she come over she sees the lump in the speedo she just yanks them down guido has a fucking tampon sticking out of a huge fucking wound on his callipygian cleft she says where the fuck you going guido he says i’m fucking going swimming she says not like that had him bend over the bar she sewed his ass up right then and there guido got his swim in turns out guido fell on that examiner box

right on the corner

punctured a fucking hole in his butt cheek bled like a stuck pig all over the place he hopped onto bart went home to walnut fucking creek looked into his medicine cabinet only thing he could find were a couple of tampons an old girlfriend had left behind he plugged up the hole went to bed simple as that guido he’s standing there with us in the alley by now he says hey

didn’t have health insurance

what the fuck i’m gonna do what the fuck we all gonna do we went fucking sent our boys in green over to eye rack said fuck ‘em up good while you’re at it grab that fucking saddam let’s hang the cocksucker let’s drive right up kill ‘em all fucking sand niggers

jay cee bondage they each got divorce separation stories jay cee he says don’t go in front of a judge they’re all fucking lesbians bondage he says aw man it’s fucked up i haven’t had sex in six years me eye nodded eye tried to tell them eye ain’t married to their crazy wives eye may have my own crazy wife but she ain’t anywhere near as crazy as their crazy wives eye mean eye’m still crazy about my crazy wife they fucking hate their crazy wives that’s for one thing the other thing they’re both kind of crazy themselves eye mean look at ‘em what the fuck’s up with that them giving advice fuck

eye love them anyway hell eye might even have sex with jay cee he’s kind of cute might even give him a reach around while eye’m fucking him in the ass hell eye love them anyway they only tell me shit because they love me and because

they got crazy wives

eye just drank more port cheap fucking port the kind of port where you wake up the next morning feeling like you been licking thousands of stinky smelly portoguese feet all through the night eye smoked a cigarette and a bowl for every glass of port eye drank eye wonder if they let saddam have a joint a drink a cigarette before they put a fucking rope around his neck hung his brown aa rabbit ass eye mean hell

saddam he was an evil man

gassed all them people killed all them people fucked them up ends justifies the means saddam he was an evil man we had to kill him even if we had to kill six hundred thousand poor unfortunate cocksuckers to get to him

goddamn eye do indeed feel righteous

some drunk walked up to us lit a joint said he was the god son of key kesey wrote a screenplay for a movie kesey was going to star in the movie eye asked eye said so isn’t kesey dead the drunk eye guess he’s about my age the drunk he says yeah that’s why we can’t make the movie now young dude decked out in cal ware hat jersey wristbands cal bears go he runs up stumbles up really ducks behind us looks over pete’s shoulder pete he goes so young dude you running from the police young dude he says

no man just my cabbie

didn’t want to pay my fare only had enough money to either buy a couple of beers or pay my cab fare eye elected to give my money to specs we all nodded and murmured approval of a very wise decision made by someone so young twas truly a miraculous thing eye gave him my tobacco pouch he wanted to roll a cigarette said dude i’m so good at rolling these things he fucked up the first four until eye took it back rolled him one lit it for him

pete and eye left walked down through china town after midnight place was kind of deserted the sidewalks empty only hours earlier they had been teeming with people animals in cages dead fish pig parts vegetables and lots of cheap expensive jade jewelry twelve year old girls all of whom had had visits from the foot binder we walked down through the stockton tunnel up onto union square sat beneath the big christmas tree gazed at the all the store lights macy’s saks the saint francis nike levi’s coach eye’ll take one of each we sat on a bench rolled a cigarette smoked a couple of bowls talked about nothing talked about shit

we didn’t talk about saddam at all we didn’t say one fucking word about saddam we didn’t give a shit about saddam we didn’t give a fuck about saddam

saddam was an evil man eye don’t give a shit

president bush george dubya bush he mourned the death of the three thousandth you ess soldier in eye rack the white house said on sunday but cautioned war weary americans that no quick end was in sight to the fight against terrorism

saddam was an evil man and eye don’t give a shit

the president believes that every life is precious and grieves for each one that is lost said white house spokesman scott stanzel he will ensure their sacrifice was not made in vain by the way eye looked it up in vain in the american heritage dictionary eye looked up in vain it means

without success

our boys their sacrifice was not made without success saddam was an evil man and eye don’t give a shit eye don’t give a fuck me and pete we walked up geary street up through the upper edge of the tenderloin walked past the pine crest restaurant serves up a mean bacon and eggs walked past the clift hotel got rooms made for fine fucking walked past some dive bars walked past some people sitting up against the building walls walked past a couple of crack hookers walked past corner store selling cigars eye caught a cab at van ness driven by the crazy african fucker he didn’t drive in vain pete he walked home through the castro he’s tough that way built for endurance me eye was drunk

cheap port bally shag evil surrounds us happy new year and all that